Horror Express

MARCH 16, 2007


Inspector Mirov: The two of you together. That's fine. But what if one of you is the monster?
Dr. Wells: Monster?? We're British, you know!

Hahahaha, A+.

Horror Express is a perfect example of a film that should be remade. It's a great idea (a fossil thought to be the missing link is actually an alien who is souping up world history by looking into the eyes of victims, which kills them), and train-set movies are always good for some thrills (I will punch anyone who says Under Siege 2: Dark Territory isn't amazing). But the production quality is so poor it lessens the impact. Everyone looks like they were dubbed, because the movie was shot mostly without sound and they did their voices later. Also, the editing is pisspoor at best. One scene clearly shows a non-moving background out the window despite the sounds of the train zipping along being heard.

And drink one tiny sip of beer (yes, beer) every time they cut to an exterior of the train (sometimes real, sometimes a miniature, sometimes its so dark i cant tell if its a train or perhaps just a sandwich). You will die of cirrhosis before the credits roll (which, on my DVD, they didn't at all. the music played but the screen was black. who was the key grip? we may never know). With all of these blemishes fixed, this would be a first rate thriller. But its definitely worth a watch anyway. Telly Savalas alone, apparently not even aware of the type of movie he is in, makes it an automatic worth-watcher. And it's always nice to see Count Dooku and Grand Moff Tarkin together.

I should note I own Horror Express as part of a budget set that provided me with 50 "chilling" movies (on 12 dvds) for the cost of 20 dollars. The films all appear to have been filmed with a lens made out of root beer due to the awful transfers, the chapter stops are randomly placed through the film, the audio is atrocious, etc... but its still worth every penny. Some of these movies are otherwise not available on DVD, and who the hell is going to hook up their VHS to watch something like Haunts? Certainly not I.

What say you?


  1. I actually just watched Haunts, and enjoyed it a great deal. Not perfect, but very ambitious, with some fun twists and a pervasive atmosphere of nastiness that I found fascinating.

    I'll be boarding the Horror Express soon.

  2. Haunts was the 1st movie I watched on the budget pack, which was before I began HMAD. I might "cheat" and rewatch it and write up a review, maybe once I have gone thru the rest of the pack.

  3. Well, I didn't want to plug myself on your front page, and I thought since this was marginally related I'd comment here--a friend of mine and I have been writing reviews/essays to each other about all the cheesy horror movies we watch just for our own amusement via email, and after doing a few dozen of them we decided we might want to preserve them and so might as well start up our own movie review blog (I know, just what the world needs :) ).

    Anyway, inspired by (i.e. ripping off) your design here, we started Mad Mad Mad Mad Movie Reviews, using the aliases "The Duke of DVD" (my buddy Nate) and "The Vicar of VHS" (me). And the latest review is of Haunts. Check it out.

    Be warned the reviews actually trend more toward essays, but we had fun with them, and it might give a better clue as to how my tastes run (check out the first post and the Rating Scale explanation). There are a bunch more we've already written we're just putting up as time allows, and we're also writing new ones as we watch and posting them for each other's benefit.

    Anyway, even though we're not doing it every day, I thought you'd like to know you're an inspiration. Plus, I quote you in the Haunts review. So there you go. :)

  4. The original Horror Express is a great idea...storywise. Thank God for the likes of Lee, Cushing and Savalas in this movie or it could have been named HORRIBLE Express!
    The editing and make up are bad. The sound quality is bad. However, despite these cinematic gaffes, I enjoyed the premise and the movie.
    Yes! This movie is a no brainer for a remake! Hollywood has remade every other horror idea(or so it seems) and most of then have been just awful. The vampire and flesh eating zombie thing has been done to DEATH!(or undeath...lol) Why hasnt someone grabbed THIS movie up for a remake? Hopefully someone will and if so...let's pray that they dont botch it up so bad that the remake is no better than the original.

  5. I've just reviewed this on my brand new and little-read blog www.iglooooftheuncanny.blogspot.com. It would be great to hear what you think!

  6. Rob Zombie would be the only guy to remake this film at this point in time - no one else is worthy imo. Think he'd do a great job of it - heck, he could even cast himself as the possessed monk.


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