MARCH 16, 2007
Inspector Mirov: The two of you together. That's fine. But what if one of you is the monster?
Dr. Wells: Monster?? We're British, you know!
Horror Express is a perfect example of a film that should be remade. It's a great idea (a fossil thought to be the missing link is actually an alien who is souping up world history by looking into the eyes of victims, which kills them), and train-set movies are always good for some thrills (I will punch anyone who says Under Siege 2: Dark Territory isn't amazing). But the production quality is so poor it lessens the impact. Everyone looks like they were dubbed, because the movie was shot mostly without sound and they did their voices later. Also, the editing is pisspoor at best. One scene clearly shows a non-moving background out the window despite the sounds of the train zipping along being heard.
And drink one tiny sip of beer (yes, beer) every time they cut to an exterior of the train (sometimes real, sometimes a miniature, sometimes its so dark i cant tell if its a train or perhaps just a sandwich). You will die of cirrhosis before the credits roll (which, on my DVD, they didn't at all. the music played but the screen was black. who was the key grip? we may never know). With all of these blemishes fixed, this would be a first rate thriller. But its definitely worth a watch anyway. Telly Savalas alone, apparently not even aware of the type of movie he is in, makes it an automatic worth-watcher. And it's always nice to see Count Dooku and Grand Moff Tarkin together.
I should note I own Horror Express as part of a budget set that provided me with 50 "chilling" movies (on 12 dvds) for the cost of 20 dollars. The films all appear to have been filmed with a lens made out of root beer due to the awful transfers, the chapter stops are randomly placed through the film, the audio is atrocious, etc... but its still worth every penny. Some of these movies are otherwise not available on DVD, and who the hell is going to hook up their VHS to watch something like Haunts? Certainly not I.
What say you?