MARCH 22, 2007
Blood Trails: Yet another mind-numbingly awful pile of shit from Lionsgate.
LG is a strange company. They are probably the best studio for horror (Saw, See No Evil, US release of The Descent,) but they are also responsible for (or distribute) the most rancid shit imaginable. Dark Ride, for example, is quite possibly the worst slasher movie ever made. Now we have this, the worst “survival” horror movie ever made.
Note to writers – if your lead cheats on her boyfriend, she’s not sympathetic, especially when the boyfriend is a pretty nice dude who makes her a mix CD. OK so maybe he’s a lameo, fine, but still. I’m rooting for him, not his whore girlfriend.
But he gets killed by a bike tire slashing his neck.
...not a typo.
Shot on gloriously awful, flat, lifeless, cheap, ugly, and lazy digital video, the film has precisely one shot that was interesting: the whore has a piece of broken mirror (the mirror breaks when she tries to escape, she hits the wall and it falls off and hits her in the head. This movie is pretty goddamn hilarious actually) up to the killer’s neck, so we get a little dual vision of his neck. But, like every other “violent” moment in the film, we see nothing except blood after the fact.
Speaking of blood, I will say the film has the most accurate title in history, as 50% is the whore riding her bike around (TRAILS!), and the other 50% is the blood (BLOOD) that sprays all over the place after a kill that we don’t really see. I dunno if they couldn’t afford prosthetics, or if the director just didn’t want to show it, but either way, if you removed the blood this would be the tamest “survival” movie ever. It’s like TV movie editing. He raises the knife, we cut to a reaction of the whore, then we cut back to a dead guy bleeding all over the place.
Back to the director: he’s terrible. The script was generic, not awful, but the direction singlehandedly ruins what little promise the film has. Shots are meant to look hand held, but they are clearly shot from a tripod with a loose handle. Zooms come out of nowhere, simple dialogue scenes have camera motion that even Michael Bay would find excessive… it’s filth.
I got this movie for free. So I want someone else’s money back.
What say you?