Toe Tags (2003)

DECEMBER 17, 2007


Man... there should be some sort of warning on these movies. “This was filmed with the same camera your uncle films family gatherings with and the acting within isn’t quite as good as that of porn.” Once again being marginally better than the previous film from the Decrepit Crypt set, Toe Tags is still a miserable excuse for a film that doesn’t deserve to be commercially available. If it was free on Youtube (which the video quality often resembles) it would be one thing, but come on guys.

Like Before I Die, these guys didn’t even bother using sound recording equipment for their film. Thus, when people are close to the camera, you can hear them, and when they are not, you can’t. If you for some reason decide to watch this film, be prepared to keep your finger on the volume button.

And these guys are supposed to be cops.

Also, this one is quite short. It lists a running time of 68 minutes, but the film itself is only 60. The other 8 are bloopers and behind the scenes footage of the (bad) makeup effects. The only interesting thing about any of them is hearing someone genuinely laugh at a guy’s terrible (and confusing) Tony Montana/Travis Bickle impression. Note to the world – saying either “Say hello to my little friend!” or “You talking to me?” in any situation or capacity is not funny, ever, and you really should just fucking stop doing them (and witnesses to them should not under any circumstances encourage them by laughing).

The movie also manages to top Silent Night Deadly Night’s antler scene in regards to how bad the character’s peripheral vision is. In SNDN, a guy doesn’t notice his girlfriend hanging by a pair of antlers, because she’s at his, let’s say, 4 o’ clock. Well this one is even stupider:

The blond chick doesn't see the woman walking up to her. Un-fucking-believable. Seriously, I’m about to throw this entire fucking set into the trash.

What say you?


  1. I wonder how many people Mill Creek has actually conned out of their 20 dollars.

  2. Someone bought me the Decrepit Crypt set (along with three others from the same company) for Christmas a few years ago. I managed to make it through about ten or eleven movies, including this one, before I gave up on it. The sad thing is, I'd actually say this was one of the better ones I sat through! I have a warning: if you still have this set, never watch the one called "Serial Killer." That thing was absolutely wretched.

    I never bothered to open the other three sets.


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