APRIL 7, 2007
As the credits on Sublime spooled, I recognized the writer's name, but couldn't place it. Afterwards I checked the IMDb and sure enough, he wrote a few episodes of Band of Brothers. Careful examination further showed that he wrote the 3 weakest episodes of the series (though to be fair, episode 5 just pales because the 2 best episodes came right after it). And actually, about half of his script here is pretty good. The problem with the film, same as this week's other medical horror, Unrest, is that the film is entirely too long. But Unrest was only about 20 minutes too long, if that. This one is about 45 minutes to an hour too long. Really, the entire movie is "Guy checks into hospital for routine procedure, they give him the wrong surgery and he starts to freak out, then we discover he's actually in a coma as a result, and all the freaky things are a coma dream. And then he dies." So why the movie needed to be AN HOUR AND FIFTY GODDAMN MINUTES is beyond me.
The first 45 minutes or so work best, as the goings on are just off kilter and unnverving enough to strike a chord with me. But then the writer introduces all this idiotic nonsense about a hospital wing thats filled with transients, and a black nurse named "Mandingo" (please, really?) who shouts out a bunch of babble from the Black Panther handbook. It's an interesting idea to juxtapose white guilt with all of these horror elements, but the ideas are badly implemented, to put it kindly, so it ultimately serves no purpose other than making a long movie longer. There are other half-assed subplots sprinkled without, and every one of them, in the end, is padding. The film would have worked much better if they just revealed right away that the botched operation put him in a coma, so they wouldn't have been restricted by being 'realistic' with his hallucinations, and turned the film into his attempts to fight his way out of the coma. But alas, I write a blog no one reads, not films no one sees unless they watch a horror movie every day.
The main guy is played by Ed, from TV's Ed, a show so good they gave it two series finales. He's pretty good, it's strange to see him do something besides smile and be goofy. I was a big fan of Ed, because I could fully identify with the character. See, he worked at a bowling alley/law office, and his parents ran a drape business. I in fact, worked at a drape business/law office. And that is the ONLY THING I identified with on this show.
The film comes to us courtesy of Raw Feed, who also unleashed upon us Rest Stop. How bad is Rest Stop, you may ask? Let's put it this way: If i was writing this blog back in October when I saw the film, I would probably still be writing my 'review'. It's one of the worst 10 movies I have ever seen. Even recent 'gems' like Legend of Lucy Keyes and Blood Trails were better. And like Sublime, Stop was needlessly and excessively padded (though at least in Sublime's case, the padding could be cut and the movie would still be feature length, whereas Rest Stop would then just be credits). So while this film was better and not entirely bad, Raw Feed is still basically 0 for 2.
Also the DVD lists itself as the "Unrated Version". Um... your film is direct to DVD and there is no rated version available. Technically it's Sublime: THE Version. And I have no idea why the film wouldn't have gotten an R, the only violence/gore in the entire film is when Mandingo (I mean, come on guys, seriously???) takes a pair of needle nose pliers to Ed's feet and hands. He doesnt cut anything OFF, just makes some cuts. There's two sex scenes that have no nudity other than side boob, and the swearing is average. What exactly would the MPAA have made them cut to get an R rating?
Hahaha I just had an idea: there should be an MPAA style editing board that made directors cut their films to be an appropriate running time. "Mr Krantz, there is no need for this film to be just shy of two hours long. Cut twenty to thirty minutes out or we will not certify the film for audiences." Hahahahahaha that would be amazing. Oh well.
What say you?