Dracula II: Ascension

APRIL 14, 2007

GENRE: VAMPIRE, CRAP
SOURCE: DVD (ONLINE RENTAL)

"Wes Craven presents". When will I learn? No film featuring that moniker has ever been any good. The previous film of this series, Dracula 2000 (at least, I THINK this is the sequel to that film. This film practically goes out of its way to ignore it) was no classic, but had decent production value and a more or less enjoyable manner. This film has absolutely nothing going for it (for starters, most of it takes place in the exotic locale of... an abandoned school!), apart from the personal joy of seeing the film's 'badass vampire hunter' driving a 1992 Chevy Corsica. Those who know me (which constitute the entire readership of this blog thus far. :() know I once owned a Corsica and loved the thing to death. So to see one be used as a transport device for a vanquisher of evil was empowering. Or retarded.

Some of the dialogue in this film ranks as the absolute stupidest I have ever heard. For example: "My mother always said it takes one person to do something stupid, but it takes a few people to do something REALLY stupid!" (which is actually true, for example, this film had more than one writer). There's also half-assed dialogue such as "Whatever happens.... happens." and "How bad?" "Bad." sprinkled throughout the film.

Craig Sheffer, king of STV sequels (he's also in Hellraiser 5 and Turbulence 3), plays some sort of professor who turns out to be the villain. One might expect, I dunno, DRACULA to be the villain of a film titled DRACULA II (hilariously, the character's name is actually "Dracula II" in the credits), but no. Drac just sort of hangs out on a makeshift cross for most of the film untying knots and counting mustard seeds (...), only to bite a guy's face off in the end and fight Lee for a bit before heading off to be replaced by Rutger Hauer in part III (which was shot at the same time as this, and actually has some connection to this one, which gives them one over the original film. Maybe I'll watch it next week or so, just for closure). Whatever.

And how's this for half-assed? Dracula is never referred to as Dracula in the entire film. There's a brief mention of how he is 'not like other vampires' (and, in the one link to the first film, the Judas connection is brought up again), but that's it. Looking nothing like the previous film's Dracula (he's sort of a young Jeremy Irons wannabe), I wonder why they bothered calling it a sequel at all. Were they afraid the film wouldn't fly on Jason London's name alone?

However, the main girl looks like Kate Beckinsale, which I have no problem with.

What say you?