OCTOBER 10, 2007
Most horror fans know the sad fate of Boris Karloff, who spent the last few months of his life filming quick roles for a total of four productions (that were filmed entirely elsewhere). One such film was The Snake People, and unless the other three are on the other budget packs, it will be the only one I ever bother with, if Snake is any indication of their worth.
Possibly the boringest film on the entire budget set (far surpassing even Werewolf In A Girl’s Dormitory levels of plodding monotony), Snake People manages to make cannibals, lesbian “incest” (a girl makes out with herself in a nightmare), zombies, voodoo, cults, snakes, midgets, whipping, and hula dancing all seem like the least exciting elements of any film ever, not just horror. Yes, all these things and more are on display here, but they don’t connect to one another in any sensible way (I admit I was totally baffled as to what the hell was going on more than once during this film, but it didn’t make it any less boring).
I kind of got a chuckle out of the narrator though, as he sounds more like he’s describing a car or a new luxury resort as he discusses “the living death” and things of that nature. There’s also a delightful scene where a little person, who looks like he’s dressed as the Penguin from the 1960’s Batman show, repeatedly whips a girl on the back (and it seems like she’s enjoying it more than he is). But that’s not enough to warrant a recommendation, or even to rescue it from crap.
Even the goddamn credits on this film are confusing. For starters, there is an inordinate amount of people with only one name in the cast (and crew!). Also, about an hour or so into the film, we are given a title card reading “Damballah” (the name of the voodoo cult leader/god/whatever). No other such card appears in the film that I can recall. And finally, they can’t even spell basic words right:
Well, whatever movie. I’m going to go do what the movie told me to do 4000 times, and offer my dreams to Damballah. I often dream that I am on Lost, Prison Break, or 24 (sometimes two at once) – thus making my dreams a hell of a lot more interesting than whatever the hell he’s up to in this movie. Maybe it’ll give him some ideas.
What say you?