AUGUST 21, 2007
Some professor: “I believe it was a lycanthropist.”
Some other guy: “In other words, a sort of werewolf.”
That’s just a sampling of the plethora of worthless dialogue that you’ll hear in any given minute of Werewolf In A Girl’s Dormitory, which barely even lives up to its boring, SOAP-esque title, as only like two scenes find the wolf inside the dorm. It'd be like if you called Titanic "Treasure Diving".
Whether the dialogue has any relevance or not doesn’t even matter, because all of it is dubbed by folks who never quite reach “Bad SNL host reading his cue cards” levels of laziness. Whether they were just trying to match the mouth movements of the original actors (who are almost as wooden as their dubbers anyway), or they are just stupid people, lines like “I’ll call…. police” delivered in this manner only serve to make a bad movie worse.
But the biggest problem is how dreadfully boring the goddamn thing is. Rather than simply have a werewolf run into a dorm, find a girl and kill her every 10 minutes or so, which is all anyone would want out of a movie with such a title, they try to legitimize the damn thing by adding a plot involving blackmail, affairs, etc. Werewolves and Dormitories don’t show up nearly as much as threatening letters and courtyards. So again, it’s a lot like SOAP.
One scene in particular nearly sent me into a fit. Early on in the film, the werewolf hurts one of its front legs, so naturally the human everyone is seeking would have an injured arm (this leads to having to come up with an excuse for an injured arm for every red herring). As the scene begins, one suspect is in a bar, and someone says “Hey, his right arm isn’t functioning!” The suspect responds by pulling out a knife with his left hand… and then easily opening it with his right. And no one notices. Then a guy just sort of mentions offhand “You’ll never get away,” in the same tone one might point out someone’s untied shoe. Then another guy calmly grabs him, which results in the suspect’s friend yelling out “Stop it! You’re all going mad!” When in reality everyone is just sort of standing around not saying anything. In less than one minute of screen time you can see pretty much everything wrong with this movie.
Main girl’s kinda cute though. And her character’s name is Priscilla, which resulted in my singing of the appropriate Meat Loaf song every time her name was said. “Priscilla! Priscilla! Nearly sixteen but they treat you like a kid…”
What say you?