AUGUST 20, 2007
The cinematic history of House of Wax is bafflingly hard to follow. When Dark Castle announced a remake of the “original” with Vincent Price, many pointed out that the Price film itself was a remake of a movie called Mysteries Of The Wax Museum (which is included on the DVD – a literal ‘extra feature’). And then Dark Castle’s film was really a remake of Tourist Trap! What the hell? It's like we need a damn chart.
Of the three films, or four if you count Trap, this is the only one filmed in 3-D. Which means it’s the only one featuring a guy playing paddleball into the camera and talking to the audience. There’s also a lengthy scene of dancing girls, presumably kicking their way out of the screen and into your lap. Padding: IN THREE DIMENSIONS!
Of course, any film with Price will feel like it’s padded whenever they cut away from Price himself. As one of the most charming and delightful screen presences of all time, you can’t help but get a bit bored whenever they focus on the less murderous characters. Especially when their actions don’t make any goddamn logical sense. At one point, the lead girl, suspicious of Price, tells her boyfriend that she thinks one of the wax statues is really her sister’s corpse. Her boyfriend doesn’t believe her, and to drive his point across, he convinces her to go the cops and tell them her story “so they can tell you the same thing I did: You’re crazy!” Who would actually do something like that? But the story has to be moved along, and dammit that’s how they are going to do it.
Price is in top form, shaming everyone around him as he delivers double entendres like “I’ve done her over a dozen times and she hasn’t complained,” without even having to try, while the others cause groans with their (thankfully infrequent) attempts at humor. Speaking of which, if anyone can understand why the guy sneezes at the end, feel free to explain.
Also there’s an Igor type character, named Igor, who resembles a young Tommy Lee Jones. Sweet.
I picked this DVD up the other day at Best Buy, since it was on sale for 5 bucks and I had a 5 dollar gift certificate (I am a cheap bastard). Sadly, it came in the damn snapper case. What the hell ever possessed Warner Bros (and for a while, New Line) to use these goddamn things? Not only are they flimsy and ugly, but they stick out another centimeter or two when you put them on your shelf. Does they not consider OCD folks such as myself when they make their product? Go to hell, snapper case!
What say you?