The Blancheville Monster

OCTOBER 4, 2007

GENRE: HAUNTED HOUSE (?), PSYCHOLOGICAL (?)
SOURCE: DVD (BUDGET PACK!!!)

The most terrifying part of The Blancheville Monster was a single chord on the soundtrack, struck instantly after hitting play. Before an image even appeared onscreen, theree was a loud DUNNNNNNNNNN! that scared the bejesus out of me. Sadly nothing else in the film was even remotely as exciting.

Similar to The Ghost or The Game, here we have a horror movie in which everything is fake, leading me confused as to what kind of horror movie it even was. I don’t feel like making a new genre for “Girl who walks around a castle and sees the image of her father, who she thought was dead”. Because that’s pretty much all that happens until the final 15 minutes.

That fifteen minutes save the film, as we get someone buried alive, a decent surprise as to the identity of the “killer”, and the truly hilarious sight of a guy trying to evade capture while running through the woods wearing the largest cape I have ever seen. Dude, take the fucking thing off! Then there’s a hilariously abrupt cut to a “6 months later”-y scene that wraps up some subplots we weren’t really interested in to begin with.

The film is strangely shot, as if the cinematographer or director were afraid to have to edit footage together later. Instead, they pan around wildly to get everything we need to see. But when the camera is actually staying on a person or item, it’s not shakicam. They literally pan the camera around while it’s on a tripod or whatever. Very odd. And annoying. “Look! Over there!” someone will say, and a few seconds are wasted while the camera pans over to whatever it is we should already be seeing.

Also, what kind of goddamn name for a monster is Blancheville? That’s the least foreboding name in all of human history. The Smith Monster would be more exciting.

What say you?