The Fearless Vampire Killers

MAY 28, 2007


In 2003, a musical called Dance of the Vampires opened on Broadway. It was an Americanized version of a German musical named Tanz Der Vampire. Both were based on Roman Polanski’s film The Fearless Vampire Killers, and the songs were written by none other than Jim Steinman, who, as I’ve said previously (maybe even to you) is the greatest songwriter of all time. I even gave his webpage a link on the right, so you know I consider him as worthy as the IMDb and Wrong Turn 2.

Unfortunately, the show closed by the time I finished reading the article about it opening. It remains the biggest failure in Broadway’s history (it should be noted Steinman himself disowned this version, as it was completely rewritten and overhauled to suit the tastes of Michael Crawford, who played the lead role). Had I actually gotten to see the play, I am sure I would have checked out the source material sooner, but alas. But after finally seeing it, well...

To be fair, it’s not a horrible movie. It’s just not funny at all. And it’s supposed to be. I think I laughed like 3 times, and offered a few “heh”s throughout just to be polite. The final chase is fun, and the ending is darkly humorous, but it takes too long to get there. Spoofing vampire myths (and previous films) is certainly a valid idea (Dracula; Dead and Loving It notwithstanding) but Polanski failed to milk the material for what it is presumably worth. First of all, the Dracula-ish Krolock is barely in the film, and when he is he’s not really doing much. Instead, a full third of the film seems to be people tripping or getting hit by a bag full of vampire hunting tools. Not funny the first time, not funny the 100th. Maybe little kids would like it, I dunno. Then again, I still pay to see Chevy Chase movies that were made past 1989, so what the hell do I know from funny?

I never saw Sharon Tate before watching this film. Man, Charles Manson is a total fucking asshole. Not that I had any sort of reverence for the guy like some assholes do, I just didn’t care. But no, he’s a fucking asshole (read: she is amazingly beautiful). Oh well.

What say you?


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