Teeth (2007)

NOVEMBER 26, 2007


Contrary to the belief of anyone who’s ever read a BC-penned review of a Bruce Willis movie, I am a straight man. So watching Teeth, a film in which the horror elements are strictly limited to men getting their genitalia severed by “Vagina Dentata” (it’s exactly what you think it might be), may possibly leave me with permanent mental scars, or worse... certain, uh... dysfunctions.

For women, and men who can separate cinema from reality, it’s a lot of fun. There’s a lot of dry humor, which is right up my alley, and each of the... attack(?) scenes are punctuated with a gag or two. I appreciate this; no one wants to see a movie about a girl with a biting vagina and not have a good time. Plus, the idea itself is unique, and combining it with some light damnation of the whole “Celibate Christians” movement is a laudable concept.

The only thing that kind of bummed me out about the film was how little it did with the concept beyond the obvious. In the final act, the girl begins to sort of control her “power”, which livened things up a bit, but even then, it’s sort of obvious where it will go from there. Maybe another girl who had the same problem or something could have helped complicate the film a bit and give it some needed oomph. But still, it’s not like this subject matter is well worn... Halloween didn’t really do much beyond the basic description either. Maybe in 10 years, there will be a vagina dentata sub-genre, with sequels and parodies and all that good stuff. Not to mention its own Horror Movie A Day tag!

This is the first film from writer/director Mitchell Lichtenstein (though he has made a short film, and according to the IMDb, that film deals with Alcoholics, Monkeys, Goats, and Mother Love. Something tells me it might be a little weird too), and the cast is entirely unknown to me. The main girl looks a bit like Heather Graham, but I don’t think that counts as someone famous. So it’s safe to assume this one won’t be crowding the multiplexes, but if you can find it, I think you should check it out.

And if anyone can explain why they continually frame shots to include two giant smokestacks, please let me know.

What say you?


  1. There's been quite the buzz on this release on all over the place. I'm super excited for it to hit theaters. Just the idea of what the movie is about makes me cringe.

  2. I thought my friend was fu*king with me when he told me what this was about. Needless to say, he wasn't. Can't wait to check this one out, seems like a good time.

  3. HAHA.....kills guys' desire for sex everywhere.

  4. T--

    I think it'll take a lot more than this to kill guys' desire for sex. :)

  5. Pretty sure the two "smoking towers" are the cooling towers from a nuclear plant. My thoughts were that that's the reason she was born this way, radioactive water or whatever from the plant caused a mutation. Strange movie, I'm actually watching it now.

  6. "...and lots of Native Americans!"

    "Well, dentition is not an exact science."

    "It's true!
    Vagina dentata!
    Vagina dentata!
    Vagina dentata!"

    "Hardly seems worth it."

    And could that have BEEN a more awkward sex scene? Seriously, I hope to god I don't sound like that.

    But let me say, Jess Weixler has a PERFECT figure, she is fucking HOT!

    And if there was an award for creepy old guy, that guy in the end would win.

  7. Yes, I agree w/ amadeus, the smokestacks are there to suggest radiation as a possible explanation for her adaptation.

  8. Just now getting around to seeing this one last night. It was funny as hell! And the nuclear cooling towers cracked me up since they are supposed to only have steam coming out and these had some vile blackness spewing forth. I am assuming like others that the nuclear plant was the source of her "adaptation." My favorite part was when the doctors were working to pur black-eye boy's weenie back on and they said, "It hardly seems worth it." HAH!
    And also - every time they said vagina dentata, I just kept thinking "Hakuna Matata" so I have Hakuna Matata stuck in my head today.

  9. This was really solid. Everything about it -- direction, acting, script, music, photography -- was really well done. Like SAVED as a horror movie, or CARRIE as a comedy. I do think more could have been done with the main character's realization that she is, in some ways, a monster. But she seemed to more or less take it in stride. I mean, imagine David Cronenberg directing a movie about Vagina Dentata! It would be a very different beast. I do sort of wish there was some suspense here, but when your likable main character is the killer, there's no one to fear for. My wife saw the last 20 minutes of this and thought it was hilarious.

  10. finally got to see this; everyone is correct, the smoke stacks are nuclear power plants, which made for an interesting theme (we watched class of nuke em high right before). also explains why the mother was "sick".

    a nice funny movie. i liked it!

  11. The movie was great! There were quite a number of one liners I liked, especially everyone's favourite: "Hardly seems worth it."


    Sad way for that first guy to die, though. Death because your wiener was cut off... Sad.

    Btw, does anyone else think that the guy at the end of the movie had a retarded way of asking for sex?

  12. Jess Weixler looked like Amanda Seyfried to me! I completely loved the idea of this film and it was really enjoyable. I hope the concept used here will be revisited again.


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