Steel Trap (2007)

AUGUST 10, 2008


The signs are looming... I think Dimension Extreme is turning into Lionsgate (I guess it’s only polite, since Lionsgate has apparently stolen Dimension’s business model of fucking over filmmakers at every turn). I rented Steel Trap, a movie that features a dirty/bloody blond girl on the cover, trying to make her way through what looks like an air conditioning vent that is overflowing with saw blades and things of that nature. All well and good, except the girl isn’t in the film, the saw blades are not in the film, and even the tagline (“Surviving each floor is the name of the game”) isn’t in the film, which all takes place on two floors, one of which they weren’t intended to visit anyway.

Plus it’s a shitty movie. I’m gonna have to spoil the identity of the bad guy, so heads up for those who may actually be surprised by it when it comes.

So like all these "Ten Little Indians" knockoffs, the killer is someone in the group. In this case, a woman named Kathy who hosts a cooking show. But while most of those movies have a pretty interesting backstory that is ultimately revealed, this one is just the same ol’ shit – the girl was fat and the other people were mean to her. Of course, in order for this idiotic plot to work, none of the other characters can remember that they met her sometime ago, everyone would had to have shown up to the same party, specific people will have to go off on their own when required, etc.

Also, Kathy is based on and even somewhat resembles Rachel Ray. Now, I can’t stand that woman either, but writing an entire movie about what a loathsome woman she probably is isn’t the best concept for a movie... especially a shitty slasher/Saw hybrid with some of the worst dialogue ever spoken in a horror film.

Yes, apparently at some point, writer director Luis Camara decided the movie should be “funny” and thus just about every character speaks in puns, “witty” quips, etc. The problem is, not only is none of this shit actually funny, but it’s also clunky. Not a single line sounds natural or even human. One woman in particular, played by Julia Ballard, should be given an award for having the most unfunny and awkward lines in a single movie. And of course, she dies almost last. Thanks, Camara.

The killer’s mask sucks too.

It’s also badly paced. There are only seven people, and you know it will come down to two of them, giving us a total of five kills. Well three of them occur in the film’s first 45 minutes, so the final 50 is primarily a series of boring arguments between the four survivors, one of which you’ve probably already figured out is the killer and one of which is the obvious last man standing. Occasionally they do things like look in computer monitors and see the “killer” (Ray-lite has hired a guy to stalk them around, presumably to make her reveal more of a “shock”) or run down a hallway or whatever, but it’s hardly exciting. And since all of our characters are introduced via their bad personalities (being two-faced, being a whore, etc) and not really developed in any other manner, you honestly won’t give a rat’s ass about any of them.

The 40 minute making-of reveals part of why the movie is so worthless. Apparently they were just about to start production when they discovered another movie that was very similar (maybe the one advertised on the cover?), forcing them to re-write the script to be more original. And to be fair, I don’t know of any other movie that makes a point of hating on a TV cooking personality, so I guess they succeeded to a degree. They also admit they didn’t have much time for casting and were constantly changing the script during pre-production. With all these problems, one must wonder why they didn’t just skip making the movie entirely, but what do I know? There’s also a commentary but I couldn’t be bothered to listen to it.

This is a German movie, ironically enough. Ask and ye shall receive garbage.

What say you?


  1. I have to comment...Dimension Extreme missed the mark with this one... this was the stupidest most boring movie I have seen n ages. Acting, plot and death all sucked so badly.
    God damn the cover of the box has a hot ass chick wearing tight pants winding through a corridor filled with blades and rotary saws. This NEVER happens in the movie, nor does anyone in the cast look nearly as hot as the cover girl.
    Besides, the bad guy has the SAME DAMN mask as the guy from Prom Night!! Sparkles?! WHAAA?
    And the twist at the end was so fucking lame I nearly cried. I waited till the end praying for something cool... i was left with nothing but a shitty movie with a cool cover.

  2. BC you are awesome and your review sums it up perfectly only you didn't use the words 'Shitty' 'boring' and 'dumb' often enough. :D

  3. I actually enjoyed this movie.

    I thought the dialogue was hilariously campy. Why do you think it's so bad?

    The problem with the movie is that it's marketed like a saw/cube kind of thing, when the filmmakers obviously were trying to make a funny, almost spoofy 1980's kind of slasher movie.

  4. I don't mind campiness but that kind of thing requires a tone that these filmmakers didn't quite pull off, IMO. Killer Klowns, for example, totally nailed its intended "throwback" style. I didn't even mind that the movie wasn't like what was advertised; i'd actually prefer a slasher than a Saw ripoff. But this was just dull and the killer's identity was way too easy to solve.

  5. I watch so many horror movies, probably two a day if possible. Yeah I beat you BC.. and this stinker comes along and kills the good movie run I was having. The kills are not unique, I really didn't care about why anyone was being killed. Even the killer lacked anything original..
    Unfortunately if comedy is to be infused into a horror it should be done propely. (Host or 13 Game of Death) I personally found nothing hillarious about this movie. well maybe that I actually sat all the way through it.
    As far as spoofing, check Hatchet...MUCH better 80's slasher spoof.

  6. Iwould like to know which one was the similar plot one? aren¡t you curious? maybe is even worse than this!!

    I'm Spanish and I'm offended that this director has an Spanish name...

    Crappy shit...

  7. This film sucks. The only likeable character was Kathy everyone else was just mean and unlikeable. the plot sucked, the dialogue was lame but the only good scene in this poorly made film was the party scene but everything else sucks
    PS I love your website but on your Frontier(s) review the characters weren't all that unlikeable and unsympathetic. I mean at least they were more likeable and at least in some moments actually nice if you really want characters to be considered unlikeable and unsympathetic how about these characters in Steel Trap. Also frontier(s) isn't a generic knockoff. It just has similar elements to TCM, Hostel and a bit of the Descent. This movie is a generic knockoff and it rips off Saw.
    PPS Your website rules

  8. Sorry Kathy King, being the only likeable character in this loathsome bunch won't help you forget that you're in this crap film. Attention everyone, if you're reading this instead of hating on the cast, sympathize with them they had to star in this asstastic Saw ripoff because yes the acting was poor but the actors are all good and the shitty acting wasn't their fault cause guess what they all looked bored and just wanted to get it over with so they can have the money and move on to other projects to prove that they can do better. Com'on Camara, you can do better.


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