Vampire Girl Vs. Frankenstein Girl (2009)

OCTOBER 19, 2010

GENRE: COMEDIC, SPLATTER
SOURCE: DVD (OWN COLLECTION)

The problem with seeing a movie in a sub-genre you’re not too familiar with is that you don’t know if the one you’re watching is good, bad, or par for the course. I can speak with some “authority” that Halloween represents the best of the suspenseful slasher movie, that Poltergeist is a terrific example of a haunted house movie... but I have no idea how Vampire Girl vs. Frankenstein Girl measures up to the other films in its sub-genre, because I think this is the first one I’ve watched.

I’ve seen a few 80s/early 90s films at the New Bev that have a similar kitchen sink approach (I Love Maria, for example), but there seems to be a new breed of splatter action/comedy movies, including this, Tokyo Gore Police, The Machine Girl, etc. that I have completely ignored so far, beyond watching the trailers. Based on this one, it’s just not really my type of thing – it seems like “forced” weirdness as opposed to genuine batshit nonsense like Hausu. So you have science teachers dressing as kabukis, and a girl using her disembodied arm as a propeller to fly around, and a group of girls cutting their wrists for fun (they have a club!)... but it just seems like something they thought would be funny instead of anything significant to the story. Maybe there’s a cultural connection that I am missing, but I never felt like I was missing a joke with Hausu or some of those Grindhouse viewings (most of which I enjoyed).

I think the problem is that directors Yoshihiro Nishimura and Naoyuki Tomomatsu start the film already cranked to 11 and thus have nowhere to go. The end battle is pretty fun, but it’s also reminiscent of some of the other battles in the movie. It should be a big spectacle that pulls out all the stops, but it seems we’ve already seen that sort of thing several times. It’s exhausting, really – and this is coming from a guy who likes Armageddon and Con Air. Every now and then there would be a fun gore gag or inspired bit of madness (the droplets of blood becoming pointed weapons, for example), but more often than not I was just kind of indifferent to the movie. It didn’t offend or insult me, but it just wasn’t particularly engaging either.

The narration by Takumi Saitô, who is at the center of the film’s title-promised battle, doesn’t help either. Maybe it’s just the dubbing (for some reason, the Japanese mix was only in stereo, whereas the English was in full 5.1? I like my surround sound, dammit!) but it was very distracting and flat. Nothing should ever remind me of the movie Animals, but that’s exactly what Saitô's narration was doing. It sort of pays off for the moment he realizes his place (or lack thereof) in the grand scheme of things, however – perhaps they should have used a “less is more” approach to this aspect of the film. In fact, the film as a whole could use better editing; there are a lot of clunky transitions and shots that go on for too long. The slack editing makes some of the fights feel less frenetic than they should, not to mention allows time for the effects to be revealed as “not that great”. Cut away before we notice the lousy compositing!

But it’s certainly amusing at times, and worth a look if you’re in the mood for something different (especially if you, like most males I know, enjoy the sight of Japanese school girls doing crazy shit). It’s short enough to keep it from being any sort of inconvenience, and there’s almost always SOMETHING going on that can be considered “action”. It’s broad and garish, sure, but I have to applaud the enthusiasm. And there’s a couple of great laughs in the movie, particularly when a teacher begins talking to his class about the “Ju-On remake called The Grudge”.

And I also liked that, ultimately, neither of the girls are particularly heroic. Usually with this sort of thing we’re led to side with one over the other (such as Alien vs. Predator – the Predator was a “good” guy), but here we’re sort of on Vampire Girl’s side, only to discover she’s kind of a selfish bitch. So it’s sort of the Changing Lanes of Japanese splatter movies.

The disc comes with an hour or so of behind the scenes material, which is split into two pieces for some reason. The 2nd one is longer but better, as one of the actresses takes us through pretty much the entire shoot, narrating what is otherwise largely “fly on the wall” footage. It’s pretty interesting to see how much their sets differ from ours – everyone seems to be having fun and really appreciative of each other (and the camera crew). No surly union guys or actors hiding in their trailers! There’s also a press conference from the day the film opened in theaters, which could have been edited down a bit but again, is interesting to see how they handle these sort of things in Japan. Here, press conferences are very cold and dull. But this is pretty loose and candid – at one point everyone has a good laugh about the director insisting on shooting a certain romantic scene with a POV shot so he could pretend the actress (half his age) was saying those things to him. The trailer is also there, if you want most of the highlights.

So I leave it up to you guys – is this one of the better examples of the genre, or should I be watching something else? And furthermore, should I even listen to you? You’re the ones who kept telling me to watch Gozu, which a. didn’t exactly love and b. wasn’t a horror movie in any sense. I guess it evens out with me telling you to see The Hitcher or Black Xmas.

What say you?

PLEASE, GO ON...

Colin (2008)

OCTOBER 18, 2010

GENRE: INDEPENDENT, ZOMBIE
SOURCE: DVD (OWN COLLECTION)

It can be pretty rough in spots, but I fully endorse the “outside the box” approach that Marc Price took with Colin, which depicts a standard zombie outbreak but tells it all the through the eyes of one of the zombies. It’s one of those “how has no one thought of this before” concepts that perhaps could have benefited from a bigger budget and/or a tighter script, but after a zillion interchangeable zombie movies, I’ll take an imperfect original over a polished bore.

One interesting aspect is that there is almost no real dialogue in the film until the final moments; I think we’re at the 25 minute mark before someone says something of note, and that is fairly brief. It makes sense – zombies don’t usually talk after all, and probably don’t understand what anyone is saying, so since we’re in Colin’s “world”, any dialogue would probably have to be filtered or played backwards or something to keep the perspective. And since the movie is basically Colin stumbling around the city, it takes on a sort of hypnotic feel. It's Gerry with zombies!

Alastair Kirton as Colin is also terrific, making a compelling character without speaking a word (and, you know, being a goddamn zombie). It’s not until the end of the film that we really understand where he’s coming from and how he got involved with the zombie invasion in the first place, so it’s kind of melancholy when everything comes full circle. How many zombie movies make you say “aww...” at the end? Zombie Honeymoon is probably the only other one I can think of.

It’s a shame that his performance is often obscured by the god awful shaki-cam, which is like Paul Greengrass to the nth power. On a roller coaster. While drunk. As I’ve said before, effective shaki-cam DOES require a skilled cameraman, and Mr. Price is not one of them. Making matters worse, the standard-def camera that they used was not suited for this sort of nonsense (nor was the film compressed properly – even the end credits are blurry, like a quarter resolution blown up to full screen), so you just have entire action scenes that are little more than a series of incomprehensible images and image artifacting. I get that they want things to be chaotic, but even a zombie can probably make out what he’s looking at and not see digital blocks all over the place.

It also could have used an editor that wasn’t also the guy who wrote and directed it. 97 minutes for a movie about a zombie wandering around is a bit much, and nearly every scene could be easily pared down, resulting in a film that’s more in the 75-80 minute range. Or, it could even be the same length, but use that time to make the occasional action scenes carry a little more weight – we rarely have any idea who is being attacked, which is fine until they make little suspense moments out of it. Who cares if someone you don’t know gets bitten? Our HERO is a zombie! I like that he’s just sort of a random observer in most of the film’s events, but that makes scenes without him (he often disappears in these scenes, at least, I THINK he does – again, it’s hard to tell what I’m looking at in a lot of the more chaotic moments) feel like they’ve been tossed in from another movie entirely. It’d be like if they kept cutting to Helen Hunt during Cast Away or something. Keep the camera on Colin!

One benefit to the movie’s borderline silent approach is that if you can’t endure the shaki-cam for two viewings, you can enjoy the commentary on your first viewing if you like. It’s a great track, with Price admitting some of his mistakes, pointing out several references (including one that was meant to be another George, not Romero), and explaining how they got away with certain sequences. They also spend a laudable amount of time thanking all of the friends and family who let them beg borrow and steal to get the movie done. Some deleted scenes are mentioned more than once, but the commentary is the only extra on the disc (and it’s broken – when you select the commentary from the menu it just stops the disc; I had to just play the movie normally and then switch the audio track). However there is a 2-disc edition available, so I would assume that (and more) is on the 2nd disc - it's a bummer they didn't send that one to me! I notice a lot of DVD sites don't even bother reviewing the extras anymore - I do it even for movies I bought/rented on my own! I'd certainly do it for something I was sent to review.

It’s good to know that after all this time and so many movies, folks are still finding unique ways to tell their own zombie stories. The film’s got a lot of technical issues (not all of which can be chalked up to their alleged 75 dollar budget), but it’s interesting and ambitious, which is more than I can say for most. Someone give Price a tripod and a bigger check and let him do it again!

What say you?

PLEASE, GO ON...

The Walking Dead (Pilot)

OCTOBER 18, 2010

GENRE: TELEVISION, ZOMBIE
SOURCE: DVD (SCREENER)

One nice thing about being super-busy is that it allows for a few surprises. So when a publicist asked me for my mailing address, I fired it off without even looking into who she was or what I had covered for her in the past, something that I would have done instantly if I wasn’t swamped with a zillion other things. So it was a glorious surprise when it turned out to be the first two episodes of The Walking Dead (plus a book and a little metal gun replica), my anticipation for which was making the wait for Halloween all the more excruciating (the show premieres on Halloween on AMC).

Most of the comics I read are superhero based, but I was in the mood for something different back in 2003, and spied the first issue of "The Walking Dead" amidst all the other stuff. So I picked it up, loved it, and made it one of my monthly “pulls”. In fact, when my money problems forced me to cut back on spending, I cut most comics out, but Walking Dead (now approaching issue #80) remains on my pull-list. Thus, you can imagine how excited I was that it was becoming a TV show at all – friggin Brett Ratner could be directing it and I’d still be pumped. But then they went and hired Frank Darabont, director of two of my all time favorite movies? Jesus.

Well enough of that, is the show good? Hell yes it is. It’s great, in fact, and if subsequent episodes are even half as good then it could easily go down as one of the best horror-based shows in my lifetime. Darabont did an amazing job adapting the first issue while expanding things (the sequence with Morgan and Duane, for example, is much longer) and setting up the plotlines that will become integral to the show, such as Rick and Lori’s marriage troubles. And he did so without sacrificing the book’s most surprising but appealing factor – it’s not a wall to wall zombie gore fest. Some issues don’t have any zombies in them at all, and I wouldn’t be surprised to have episodes take a similar approach down the line once it’s an established hit (and it damn well better be!). It would have been easy to load the premiere up with big setpieces and TV spot-ready chaos, but it’s remarkably faithful to the book’s “character first” tone. Only at the very end of the episode do we really see more than a couple of zombies on-screen.

Don’t get me wrong though – it still delivers plenty of zombie action over the course of its 70 minutes. But it’s SCARY zombie stuff, not Zack Snyder-esque frenetic craziness. The opening scene (which is not in the comic, if I’m remembering correctly – it’s been a while and the issue is buried at the back of my closet with all my other comics from the 80s to 2006 or so) is a perfect example, as Rick makes his way around what looks like a makeshift camp, seeking gas, only to discover a little girl zombie (bunny slippers are a nice touch, Frank). It’s a creepy, suspense-driven scene, the type you rarely get in modern zombie fare, which is usually seemingly designed to impress Michael Bay (or make us laugh).

It’s also got a lot of heart, which is something Darabont excels at (and I hope future episodes are able to retain). Remember the scene in Shawshank Redemption where the prisoners enjoy a beer? There’s something like that here involving a working shower – it’s those little glimmers of hope that make the show so compelling. Without them, it would just be a grim, unpleasant experience. You need those bits of levity and optimism for everything else to work. And without spoiling, there’s a heartbreaking moment involving Morgan (the great Lennie James from Jericho) near the end of the episode, also added for the show per my memory, that packs a wallop never even attempted in the Resident Evils or even Romero Dead films of late.

(P.S. Morgan’s surname is Jones and his son is named Duane – a reference held over from the book that you better understand!)

The cast is pretty spot on, though most of them we don’t meet until the last act. Andrew Lincoln may not have been at the top of many fans’ dream list, but we can probably chalk that up to the fact that most Americans are unfamiliar with him (he’s a big TV star in the UK). It doesn’t take long for him to quickly prove he’s up to the task – he’s a terrific lead. Assuming that the show continues to follow the book, Rick won’t always be making the most “crowd-pleasing” decisions, and so you need an appealing actor in order to keep audiences from turning on him – I doubt this will be a problem for Lincoln. An inspired choice. And Jeffrey DeMunn is pretty much the spitting image of Dale; granted he’s a Darabont regular, but I they would have gone after him even if Darabont had no involvement. Sadly we don’t get to meet Laurie Holden as Andrea yet (though we DO meet her sister Amy, played by Frozen’s Emma Bell), but I appreciate that they didn’t end the pilot on a big moment with everyone coming together – Rick didn’t meet up with them until issue 3 or 4, and thus hopefully they will milk the separation on the show for another episode or two.

Speaking of how it compares to the book, one thing it seems to have a better handle on is dialogue. I love the series, but Robert Kirkman’s dialogue can get pretty bogged down in clunky exposition or pointless descriptions. Characters will literally say things like “This couch is more comfortable than the floor” or whatever. No shit! But I didn’t see any of that here; Lennie James has to explain how zombies work to a very shell-shocked Rick (as with 28 Days Later, Rick is in a coma when everything goes to hell), and even that is stripped down to its essentials – you get bit, you turn. The one scene between Rick and his partner Shane at the beginning of the episode is a bit long and occasionally clunky (Shane tells a long anecdote about his girlfriend leaving a light on), but that’s the only time the comic’s tendency to have their characters talk too long became an issue.

As expected, KNB’s FX work is outstanding, rivaling their feature film output. The legless zombie in particular is incredible, and the makeup is extensive even in the big “crowd” scenes near the end – they didn’t half-ass anything here. I wish they didn’t rely on digital blood so much, but if the time they would spend hooking up squibs is spent on the look of the zombies instead, I won’t complain. The production design is also mighty impressive for a TV show; the scenes of Rick wandering the empty city are appropriately eerie and surprisingly vast.

I really cannot wait for future installments. The DVD had episode two but I need to pace myself, because if I watch it now it will be almost a month until I get the 3rd episode (when it airs on AMC). Plus the screener quality wasn’t exactly demo material – non-anamorphic, low-res, and occasionally watermarked. As much as I want to see what happens next, I’d like to SEE what happens next, if you know what I mean. But if you’re a regular reader of the site, you can probably take that as further proof of the show’s quality – you know how much I hate poor presentation. Anything else I would have just shut off, but I was too engrossed by what was happening. And that’s with having read the comic! Folks who haven’t been introduced to Robert Kirkman’s series yet will be even more blown away.

What say you?

PLEASE, GO ON...

Screamfest: And All The Rest...

OCTOBER 17, 2010

GENRE: HORROR MOVIES!
SOURCE: THEATRICAL (SCREAMFEST)

You might have noticed fewer reviews for Screamfest this year. That’s because as I get older, I get tired-er, and thus need to sleep more instead of writing up full reviews for every single movie I see. But I figure folks might like to know what I thought of the other films I saw at the festival (plus sort of prove that I saw as many as I claim!), so here's a little mini-review collection, sort of like I did for Frightfest. Enjoy! And if you wrote one I didn’t like, don’t threaten to punch me in the face. I didn’t threaten to punch you for writing the movie, did I? Do on to others and all that.

BLACK DEATH
I’m starting to wonder if Chris Smith is just a guy for hire, because his films are all so different, with no common themes or “signature” of any sort (at least, that I can recall). They’re all good (Creep being his weakest) though, so who cares really? Black Death is much slower than his other films, and it takes a while for it to even get to the part where you know you’re watching a horror movie, but it’s an interesting take on the plague film, and you can’t go wrong with a cast that includes Sean Bean, David Warner, and Andy Nyman (a rare tie to a previous Smith film! He was in Severance). Bean’s top billing is more ceremonial than factual; the real star is Eddie Redmayne, who is front and center for the entire film and does a damn fine job of carrying it and making his arc believable. Not a slam dunk, but worth a look.

MY SUPER PSYCHO SWEET SIXTEEN 2
I was really excited for this one, as I found the original to be surprisingly fun and even occasionally suspenseful, which is not what I was expecting from MTV. But something just felt “off” with this one right from the start, and I left disappointed. It’s a perfectly serviceable slasher (especially for a TV movie), but it lacks the fun of the original, opting for a darker, more mean-spirited story. The King barely wears his costume (which is a bad call since he looks like a homeless Viggo Mortensen without the mask), the film’s best character is killed halfway through, and the climax is just a bunch of standing around yammering. Plus, I in no way could buy that the characters were supposed to be 14 and 15 – Skye (who is about to turn 16) looks past college age by now and her younger sister is supposed to be a freshman? And kudos to her mom for waiting roughly an hour before getting pregnant again, I guess. Hopefully if they do a 3rd film they can bring back some of the fun spirit of the original. Great opening titles though - probably the most enjoyable part of the movie (summing up the first movie via Facebook status updates and tagged photos).

NIGHT OF THE DEMONS
I actually saw this a while ago (full disclosure – am friends with the director/writer), but it was great to see on a big screen with a big crowd instead of in a little screening room with a bunch of suits. It’s oddly light on gore (though not on nudity!), but it’s an improvement on the original thanks to a more appealing cast, and a top notch punk soundtrack. It’s a shame it won’t be getting the theatrical release it deserved (and that was originally planned – thanks for letting all of the recent indie horror movies bomb, guys!), but at least it will be out on DVD in time for Halloween. Invite a bunch of friends over and enjoy!

STAG NIGHT
You know how Creep was basically a ripoff of Raw Meat/Death Line? Well, Stag Night is a ripoff of Creep. Featuring the absolute dumbest goddamn characters in recent memory (they get off the subway train – forcing the door open no less – at a track change stop, thinking it’s the actual stop), the best thing I can say about it is that it’s thankfully short, and I appreciate the balls to kill off the “safe” characters (some of the kills are decent too). But Christ almighty, what a repugnant group of people. Been on the shelf for over two years, for the record.

THE KILLING STRAIN
No more low budget single location zombie movies. Please. And if you absolutely must, then no more: a. characters who hide their impending zombie-ness, b. digital blood, c. asshole characters who have to say something negative about every single suggestion or occurrence. I’d also like no less than a 30 year moratorium on people pumping a shotgun when asked if they know how to use it by another character (a moment we actually get twice in this thing).

THE PSYCHO LEGACY
Hey I’m friends with this guy too! Robert Galluzzo (aka Rob G)’s love letter to the Psycho series as a whole, this long-awaited doc is a must for Psycho fans. Knowing that the first film has been covered extensively, Galluzzo spends only a brief amount of time on Hitchcock’s original, and then moves on to cover each of its three sequels (the remake is thankfully ignored) in greater detail than their respective DVDs ever bothered to provide. You get lots of great anecdotes, priceless stills (one with Jeff Fahey’s unbuttoned shirt drew a round of applause), and lots of love for the great Anthony Perkins, who was the sole participant of all four films. It’s a shame that he and Psycho II director Richard Franklin have passed on, leaving Mick Garris as the only director to provide new insight, but Galluzzo has assembled pretty much everyone else that’s still alive (Meg Tilly is the only major omission, far as I’m concerned), plus some newer filmmakers like Adam Green and Dave Parker to offer their insight. Hopefully future series docs will take a cue from Legacy and give the sequels their due instead of spending half the time on the one that’s already been covered in detail. P.S. The DVD has three hours of bonus features!

UNDOCUMENTED
This was a late addition to the lineup, after Hisss had to be pulled due to a subtitle issue. Not really a traditional horror movie, it IS a brutal and water-cooler worthy account of what happens to illegal immigrants who are caught by the “Patriots” who spend their time building their own border fences and such. And they’re led by Peter Stormare, so you know it ain’t going to be pretty for the immigrants. The structure is very much like all the other kidnap/torture movies, but in the process raises some interesting questions about who the real villains are, do the immigrants deserve to be here (in the film’s best moment, one of them is forced to answer the questions that are on the citizenship exam, only to be fed an incorrect answer by one of the “real” Americans), etc. Since I myself am conflicted about the issue at hand, I liked that the film didn’t really DEFEND the immigrants, though I did find it terrifying that someone could watch the film and think of Stormare as the good guy. It’s a ballsy film for director Chris Peckover to make, and I wish him luck finding a studio to release it (if it hasn’t found distribution yet, anyway).

And that’s it! Screamfest 2010 is over. I only missed three films: NEEDLE (which conflicted with the all-nighter at the New Bev), and then both MIRRORS 2 and PSYCH:9, which conflicted with the Reaper Awards, which is something I was invited to, as opposed to having to ask multiple times before getting a press pass. I also ran a bit late on Sunday and missed the first few shorts. Otherwise, I was there for everything. My apologies to my twitter followers who were sick of the RTs and other “pimping” for the festival, as I really enjoy it and wish it drew bigger crowds. Perhaps if the other outlets made more of an effort – I saw very few press guys in the audience (and even fewer more than once). Pretty damn sure no one was there was often as Bloody/HMAD. Didn’t stop one of the staff from basically yelling at me for not taking pictures of the “black carpet” before the short block on Saturday though – apparently even though I am and always have been there as a reviewer only, and had been in there all day watching stuff and thus wanted to eat before the movies started, I’m some sort of asshole. *Shrug*. Other than that, I had a good time, as always, and enjoyed seeing some friends that I don’t get to see too often throughout the year. And Mann’s stopped being so strict about outside food, so I didn’t have to drink their awful soda or eat their stale popcorn once! Thanks to Starbucks and their delicious cocoa/banana choco chip bread, I was never dreading what was happening to my stomach. And that is the greatest gift of all.

What say you?

P.S. I also saw ALTITUDE but I also got the blu-ray to review so a writeup of that will be up as its own thing sometime this week. Preview: not very good!

PLEASE, GO ON...

Screamfest Shorts!

OCTOBER 17, 2010

GENRE: SHORTS
SOURCE: THEATRICAL (SCREAMFEST)

As with years’ past, I thought I’d take time to talk briefly about a few of the shorts I saw at Screamfest. There were more than usual this year (many playing with features, something I’ve suggested in the past – hurrah!) and most of the ones I saw were pretty damn good or great. Congrats to all of the filmmakers who had their film shown! Onwards with the mini-reviews, presented in glorious alphabetical order!

CABINE OF THE DEAD
Vincent Templement’s amusing zombie short was one of the better zombie entries of the festival (there were many), due to expert execution of a simple premise: you’re trapped in a phone booth and everyone you call is worthless. The climax gets a bit drawn out, but it’s a charmer, and features one of the best sight gags in a zom-com ever (one that, if nothing else, proves once and for all that slow zombies pave the way to more creativity).

DEVIL’S CREEK
Usually, it’s hard to discuss a short in any detail without spoiling anything, but Devil’s Creek (written/directed by Mohit Ramchandani, who also appears in the film) is the rare short that is far more complex and interesting than its plot (which, at its core, is seemingly another “hero gets taken in by tormentor in the middle of nowhere” story). You have to give it your full attention to make sense out of everything, but it all pays off in an oddly moving way (the A+ score doesn’t hurt). Bonus points for some inspired production design, which again is one of those things that won’t quite make sense at first. Be patient! One of the most original shorts in the festival.

IT COULD BE YOU
The buildup is a bit too long compared to the execution (director Andrew Morse must be a Ti West fan), but it’s a funny “what if?” scenario, and one of the few actual SHORTS in the festival – what’s with all the 10+ minute entries? I like all lengths! More fivers, please.

LE MIROIR
This one reminded me a bit of Clive Barker’s “Coldheart Canyon” at first, but instead of diving into the world of rapist monsters and children with very adult size genitalia, it sticks with the sad tale of someone who is getting “old” and losing the looks that made them famous. It’s got some clever touches (one of the best introductions to a flashback in recent memory, for one example) and gorgeous production value. Not really horror, but a winner all the same.

THE LEGEND OF BEAVER DAM
HOLY SHIT! One of the best shorts ever made, period. Don’t even try to argue with me. I wouldn’t dream of spoiling its surprises, but I will say that Weird Al’s "Nature Trail To Hell" may have been an influence on the basic plot. Writer/director Jerome Sable was sadly not in attendance, but if he was I probably would have kissed him. Inspired genius + crowd-pleaser attitude = perfect short. Can’t wait to see it again.

...OR TREAT
A very brief animated short with a grim/funny punchline; if it hits Youtube or whatever, it would make a fine “preview” before popping in your Trick R’ Treat DVD or Blu-ray this year. Bonus points for the old school animation approach.

PHOEBE
OK, perhaps I was smitten with actress Briana Feehan, but the team of Matt Blundell and Nati Braunstein have still delivered a good spin on the vampire tale, and like a lot of the shorts, was surprisingly moving as well – Phoebe is a “good” vampire (orders animal blood through the mail) and longs to simply go outside. The dark/light setting makes for some great moments too, such as when she needs to make her way across a room with tiny beams of light shining through holes in the wall, or when her would-be killer has to use his muzzle flare to find his way around. I also love the lighting – she has a bunch of those battery operated stick-on closet lights everywhere. And now I want to subscribe to her video blog, which doesn’t really exist (yet?).

RECOLLECTION
I enjoyed it, but the twist was a bit obvious to me. If it’s not for you, you’ll probably enjoy Federico D’Alessandro’s grim tale even more. Something that might be worthy of a feature with more of a dramatic approach.

ST. CHRISTOPHORUS: ROAD KILL
I never quite got why the main character was pulled over in the first place, but this is a surprisingly fun black comic romp, with our hero going through a borderline Ashley J Williams-level of abuse over the course of an evening, and it’s kind of charming how much carnage is caused in one small area of backroads countryside. Also: one of the best “character takes his eyes off the road and OH SHIT” scenes in recent memory (short or feature). Fun stuff.

UNITED MONSTER TALENT AGENCY
It’s sort of an SNL skit concept (monsters like Dracula and The Wolfman are real, hired for movies like any other actor), but since it’s directed by Greg Nicotero, we get top notch recreations of the monsters, tons of great cameos (Frank Darabont dressed as Indiana Jones being my personal favorite), and most importantly, tons of respect and deep-rooted love for the source material. Nicotero says he’s making a feature version; not sure how that would work (even the short started to wear thin), but if he can rope in all of the resources he did here (and then some), it should be a fanboy’s wet dream. P.S. Best Jaws joke ever?

The others I either missed or don't have much to say about. However, all of the films were technically proficient and the Mann's continues to get better at handling the varying (mostly digital) formats - everything looked perfect. Grats again to everyone who had a film there!

What say you?

PLEASE, GO ON...

Madman (1982)

OCTOBER 17, 2010

GENRE: SLASHER
SOURCE: THEATRICAL (REVIVAL SCREENING)

I have Shocker, but some other folks have Madman. I think there’s a certain type of horror film that requires one to see it at the exact right (read: young) age and not a day later, or else you will see it for how dull and/or bad it is. But for most of these types of movies, I can see what people like about them (i.e. for Shocker – the soundtrack, or the awful/awesome one-liners), though for Madman I’m kind of at a loss – what the hell do people see in this movie?

Because it’s actually worse than bad – it’s BORING. Bad is fine, especially for a slasher movie being watched at midnight almost 30 years after it was originally released. Something like Silent Night Deadly Night 2 would be breathtaking with that crowd. Madman just doesn’t have anything to bring to the table though; it’s just a series of increasingly dull scenes of people wandering around looking for the last person who went off wandering around. And you think I’m exaggerating? This is an actual line from the movie: “Richie’s been missing, so TP went to find him, and then Dave went to find HIM!” The person who says this, of course, goes out looking for Dave and gets killed, and then the people she was saying it to go looking for her.

And the stalking scenes are no help, since Marz only appears when he has to (i.e. right before he kills someone), and they pretty much all take place in the same patch of woods (the gore payoffs are minimal – nice bloody neck sans its head, and the decapped heads look good... but that’s about it). Director Joe Giannone also botches his best chance to make Marz look badass – there’s some nonsense about an ax that no one can pull out of a stump, and we see a few of our eventual corpses giving it a shot. So you know Marz is going to pull it out, but I bet you will be surprised to discover Marz himself has trouble with it. He should have pulled the thing out effortlessly, without even stopping, but instead he has to put a little elbow grease into it. Making the stump the bigger badass, basically.

The final showdown with Marz and the final girl is decent, because A. it’s in a house this time and B. Giannone finally got around to ripping off Halloween instead of Friday the 13th – there’s a great shot of Final Girl (Dawn of the Dead’s Gaylen Ross) walking in one room with Marz walking in pace with her in the background. And there’s a pretty great “find the dead bodies” scene as well, but it’s all too little too late. I’m actually amazed I managed to stay awake that long (yes, despite my pretty constant track record of falling asleep for the midnight movie, I stayed awake the whole time for once. For THIS!).

It’s also not exactly a technical marvel, with a lot of awful music edits, clunky blocking, and way too much padding. Granted it was one of the more delightful moments with a crowd, but if I was at home watching the interminable hot tub scene, I probably would have been sitting there wondering why anyone had recommended the movie to me. Then again, it DOES have a theme song, so it’s reasonable to think I’d enjoy it. However, it’s one of the lesser of the sub-genre, and the fact that we first hear it sung in a rhythm-less manner by one of the more annoying characters doesn’t help.

Madman himself, Paul Ehlers, and producer Gary Sales provided a Q&A both before AND after the film, which was cool, and more entertaining than the movie. Ehlers told the story of having to rush to the hospital for the birth of his son while still wearing the makeup, and both men told an account of going back to where it was shot and discovering the rope that Marz was hung from in a flashback scene was still hanging. Sales also tried to claim that they shot the film before Friday the 13th, which is just plain silly to do in front of a crowd of horror nerds who know damn well he was wrong (he even went out of his way to tell us that this week marked the 30th anniversary of the first day of shooting, which would be October 20th-ish, 1980 – Friday the 13th was released in May of that year). He also threatened a 3D remake, another odd thing to do in front of us purists. Plus a remake just sort of puzzles me outright – there’s nothing to this movie. Marz is not particularly memorable, his back-story is generic, and there’s no gimmick of any sort. It’s the most run of the mill slasher ever, clearly made to cash in on a trend THEN, why do it again now? Let it go.

I will point out that if you are a big fan of the movie, there’s a new DVD out this Tuesday, with a 90 minute retrospective documentary about the film, featuring several cast and crew. I wouldn’t mind watching it, but I doubt I’d ever want to revisit the movie itself. And if you haven’t seen it since you were a kid, I’d recommend holding on to your memories.

What say you?

PLEASE, GO ON...

Caged (Captifs) (2010)

OCTOBER 16, 2010

GENRE: SURVIVAL
SOURCE: THEATRICAL (SCREAMFEST)

Do people just not put that little organ donor sticker on their license anymore? Seems like the only way people get organs anymore is through a third party group of mercenaries who kidnap horror movie protagonists and take what they need. Such is the case in Caged (French: Captifs, which I thought would translate to Captives, but what do I know), though for once our heroes are adults instead of partying teens (Train, Turistas). And also, ironically, doctors.

In fact my only real complaint about the film is that they don't really explore the idea that these folks are already risking their health to save others (sleep deprivation, increased risk of infection, etc), and yet when forced into doing it, they fight back. Nor do the guys taking the organs (as usual, a fairly benevolent doctor and a few merc types) ever seem to realize the irony. Not that beating us over the head with it would have been any more preferable, but still, it would have added an interesting layer to the film if they at least brought it up.

And one other one, but it's minor - can we all agree to stop with the "our hero is temporarily deaf so let's drop out all the sound except for a high pitched tone" sequences? I'm sure Saving Private Ryan wasn't the first, but ever since it's never been used as effectively anyway, and I fail to understand why you'd want to intentionally annoy an audience with that "sound". I get wanting us to be in their heads, but what's next? Putting people in the theater to cut us or smack us around? Actually, the Mann's 6 is showing Jackass with "D-Box" technology, so the latter is already a reality, I guess.

Otherwise it's a solid thriller, with several nail-biter scenes (they get a lot of mileage out of the lead character's fear of dogs - justified in an opening sequence that parents may not enjoy much) and some genuinely creepy looking villains. When they kidnap our heroes, they are wearing these sort of scarecrow masks, and they come out of nowhere at a moment of the film where you're not yet expecting the bad stuff to happen (I figured we had another 5 minutes). And they hide their motive for a while, which amused me because part of their MO is to strip the victims' vehicles - for a while I thought they were just the world's most aggressive chop shop employees.

I also liked the fact that it was French, because that meant it could end grimly for our heroine, if she even made it to the end at all. The first death in the group was a big surprise, and made for a nice "all bets are off" feeling (well, not a NICE one, but you know what I mean). And there was a great punchline to the obligatory would-be escape scene. This sequence also involved one of the more tension-packed moments of the film, as the doctor is checking his prisoners' heart rate, and the would-be escapee is trying to keep his pulse normal while hoping that the signs of his escape attempt won't be noticed by his captors. It's a terrific sequence.

I'm sick of writing the same thing at the end of all these reviews this week concerning their US release so allow me to just make something up: Caged will be released on 3000 screens next week in its original French language without subtitles. It will be followed by a 75 million dollar remake starring Amber Heard, Jimmy Fallon, and the old guy from Babe. The villains will all be played by CGI scarecrows, and the score will be composed by the guitarist from Creed (who will also perform the theme song "My Heart Is Caged (Captifs)". My friend Ken is in final negotiations to direct.

What say you?

PLEASE, GO ON...

Hysteria (2010)

OCTOBER 15, 2010

GENRE: POSSESSION
SOURCE: THEATRICAL (SCREAMFEST)

I am pretty sure it was at Screamfest in 2007 (might have been 2008) that the trailer for Hysteria played before pretty much every single movie that showed, and ever since I had wondered what happened to it. Hell, last Friday I even made a comment about it (as detailed in my review for The Shrine, I don't really pay much attention to what is playing and/or what it's about, or else I would have had my answer already). So I'm happy it finally saw the light of day. I'm also happy to report it's actually pretty good, which is not something you can say about movies that have been on the shelf for three years.

The most impressive thing about the movie is how batshit crazy it is, with things going bad around the 20 minute mark and never really slowing down until it's over less than an hour later (it's also one of the shortest movies in recent memory, more on that in a bit), despite the fact that there's basically only 6 people in the movie. A couple of cops show up to mix things up a bit, but otherwise it's just a series of nearly non-stop scenes of high school friends killing each other in surprisingly graphic ways.

The basic gist of the story is, one of them is host to an ancient evil of some sort, and if that person is killed, it will transfer to the person who killed them. So when the host is accidentally killed during an impromptu massage session, it jumps from one to another until they're pretty much all dead. Unlike something like The Thing, there's never any doubt or question who is the one with the evil inside them, because they pretty much start babbling nonsense (and their eyes turn color) almost instantly. This sort of scenario could have helped pad it out a bit and add some suspense to the proceedings, but in a way it sort of fits the movie's breakneck (heh) pace - why slow things down to start pointing fingers? There are other friends to kill!

And strangely, even though they spend a good chunk of the movie just yelling at (or killing) each other, I actually liked the characters. Not enough to really feel bad when any of them died, but more importantly, I didn't WANT any of them to die, either. Take Vince Vieluf (who also co-wrote), for example, as a Marilyn Manson-lite rocker who is living the high life but still has a soft spot for his high school love, played by Emmanuelle Vaugier. This could have been an insufferable character, but like Leigh Whannell in Saw, he gives himself a number of great lines, and is unexpectedly one of the angriest when certain characters get dispatched. The movie doesn't spend a lot of time on developing these folks before shit goes down, but you get enough to understand each of their roles and how their relationships with one another have changed since high school (and what they were then, in some cases), and Vieluf conveys with minimal exposition that he feels guilty about how he's ignored the J.D. Walsh character over the past few years. And I'm just singling him out, all of them manage to bring these folks to life (with the exception of Laura Allen, who dies too fast to get much of a grasp on her).

It's possible that these elements were once in the film and just excised, however. It wouldn't surprise me, because the movie is hurt (if not left borderline paralyzed) by the atrocious editing. It's only about 75 minutes long, but it would be closer to 60 if not for a bunch of pointless quick flashbacks (sometimes re-showing us things from a few moments before that hadn't taken on any new meaning anyway), or an excess of slow-motion shots that serve no apparent purpose. Whether this was always the design or a recent decision made in attempt to "save" the movie (again, it's been on the shelf almost as long as HMAD has existed), I don't know, but either way they would be wise to use every bit of plot/dialogue they had in the movie and excise all of this flashy bullshit. Like I've said before, the pace doesn't lag until the first thing happens. Take 10, 20, 30 minutes... however long you want to set up the movie, as long as you keep the energy up from that point on. It's a far better approach then to hit the ground running and then have to pad a bunch of stuff when you realize that there won't be any other way to hit the minimal runtime for a feature film.

I'd also remove the awkward, "too late" opening credit sequence, which arrives at least 15 minutes into the movie. I tend to hate the things, but this is a movie that could have just used freeze-frame shots identifying each character and their basic role as they were introduced, instead of basically stopping the movie cold to let us know who is in it long after we've already met them all. It's really odd. There's also a scene after the end credits that is too long (and somewhat important) to be placed there - it should be before the end titles start to roll. Christ, just let me edit the movie! I liked it, but I could have REALLY liked it if not for the editor's refusal to let me.

Back to the actors, I want to give some of them props (Allen and Todd Grinnell particularly) for basically playing corpses for most of the movie. It's not a zombie movie; once they are dead they're dead, but the actors are still laying on the floor in usually uncomfortable positions for the remainder of the film. Equally if not more impressive, star Cheyenne Jackson was in attendance for the screening, despite the fact that he had performed not one but two live shows in New York the night before as part of the cast of 30 Rock (they did the show live a 2nd time for the west coast). It could have been very easy for him to decline to fly to the other side of the country for a movie he shot years ago, but there he was, walking the "black" carpet and sticking around for post movie Q&A, which included the film's producer, basketball star Rick Fox. Whoever that is (basketball is pretty much the least interesting sport in the world to me; I'd rather watch fly fishing).

Hopefully the movie gets picked up and put on DVD with some bonus features about its long process getting this far, or why Natassha Lyonne is in it for 18 seconds at the beginning. Like The Last Resort, it's got enough inspired lunacy to merit a look and its short enough for most folks to forgive, or at least deal with, its problems. And it doesn't have that annoying song from the trailer in the film itself, so that's another bonus.

What say you?

PLEASE, GO ON...

The Shrine (2010)

OCTOBER 14, 2010

GENRE: SUPERNATURAL
SOURCE: THEATRICAL (SCREAMFEST)

I’m with Joey Pants – Ignorance is bliss. Whenever I go to a festival, someone always asks me what movies I’m looking forward to, and I usually don’t really have much of an answer, because one thing I love about festivals is that I have no idea what I’m going to be seeing (I have literally had no idea what movie was about to play on more than one occasion at previous Screamfests – I just plunk my ass down and let it roll). With the regular theatrical stuff, there’s unavoidable awareness, but these movies, for the most part, come out of nowhere as far as I’m concerned, which allows me to watch them without an iota of expectation built in. And that’s why I had no idea that The Shrine was actually from the same guys that brought us Jack Brooks: Monster Slayer.

I liked but did not love Jack Brooks – it was a bit too back-loaded and the relationship trouble stuff made the movie drag. Oddly, the same problem plagues The Shrine – our main characters are having trouble communicating and balancing their work with their personal life and all that generic stuff. So the hero (Aaron Ashmore) goes along with his reporter girlfriend (Supernatural's Cindy Sampson) to investigate a string of disappearances in Poland (points for originality there – haven’t seen a lot of Poland-set horror movies. Especially not ones filmed in Canada) in an attempt to salvage their relationship by working together for once.

Ever listen to a new album from a band you like and think “Man, this one stinks” like halfway through and then suddenly it clicks and you end up digging the rest? That’s how this movie is. I was just about to write it off as a passable but forgettable flick, when it suddenly got pretty damn great. Sampson's annoying assistant gets an iron maiden mask hammered onto her face, demons begin appearing, Ashmore’s stunt double takes a pretty spectacular fall down a hill, children are slaughtered... it’s almost like they wanted the first half of the movie to be kind of dull to make the 2nd half all the more impressive. So I am really glad I saw it in theaters; had I watched at home, I probably would have started paying less attention (“Let’s see what’s happening on Twitter...”) and missed out on what made the 2nd half work so well.

I also like how kind of ballsy the filmmakers are, because about 90% of the film’s final reel is in Polish without English subtitles. As we are more or less seeing everything from Ashmore’s point of view, we are left as puzzled/frustrated as his character when he tries to converse with the locals. Thus, we also have no idea what the knights are saying as they recite spells or prayers while trying to exorcise the demons from “infected” folks, but our familiarity with horror movies makes it pretty obvious what’s going on. True, we aren’t given much explanation for the curse that plagues the area (it boils down to a single line), but I don’t really care about that sort of stuff. The more you explain, the less interesting it becomes, as far as I’m concerned, and screenwriter Brendan Moore and Jon Knautz (who also directed, as with Jack Brooks) found a great balance between too much and too little.

It’s also got a few good jolt scares (even the proudly jaded Simon Barrett jumped at one), plus a bit of gore during the climax. I was mostly surprised by the lack of humor – since Jack Brooks was more comedy than horror, I figured they would work in some jokes (in small doses), but it’s played almost entirely straight, apart from the girls’ goofy boss at the magazine. There’s also a hilarious (but subtle) moment during the climax where someone looks to Ashmore for assistance. Speaking of which, I also dug that Ashmore never became the alpha male hero of the film – he gets caught up in this “war” and assists the good guys, but the important stuff always falls on the dudes who know what they’re doing. Kind of like 13th Warrior, where that one Viking dude takes on the main bad guy at the end instead of Antonio Banderas. Know your place.

And, even though I was kind of bored at first, I ultimately appreciated the slow burn approach, as it reminded me of some 70s movies I really dig, like Messiah of Evil or Let’s Scare Jessica To Death (which, like this film will be I'm sure, are films I liked even more on 2nd viewings) It’s a shame that they used the Red though; it looks great on a technical level, but 35mm or even Super 16 would have given the film a richer quality that further exemplified the 70s vibe that they were obviously going for. Obviously I will always prefer film, but I’m coming around to digital more and more. That said, sometimes I think film is a better choice not just for its superiority, but for the aesthetic it brings to the film on a creative level (just as digital is preferable for something like Paranormal Activity – if they shot on film and added one of those annoying digital camera overlays over the image to make it look like a video camera shot it, that movie wouldn’t have worked at all).

Not sure what the distribution plans are for this one yet, but with Jack Brooks’ success and Last Exorcism helping revive this sub-genre, I’d be very surprised (not to mention disappointed) if it wasn’t snatched up quickly. It won’t be for everyone, but if you can appreciate a slow burn (especially if you KNOW it’s a slow burn), you’ll be rewarded. And if you’re Polish, you’ll know what’s being said! Then you can tell us.

What say you?

PLEASE, GO ON...

Tucker & Dale Vs. Evil (2010)

OCTOBER 13, 2010

GENRE: COMEDIC
SOURCE: THEATRICAL (SCREAMFEST)

Sometimes you hear about a movie and wonder “How has no one thought of this before?” Tucker & Dale Vs Evil is one such film. At it’s core is a very basic, well-worn premise – some kids go into the woods, encounter two hillbillies, and they all end up dead. But the twist is – the hillbillies are innocent. The result is a hilarious, crowd-pleasing romp that, like Scream, will make it difficult for this scenario to be taken seriously for a while.

One of the best things about the film is the performances and chemistry of Alan Tudyk and Tyler Labine as the titular Tucker and Dale. Labine is the more dimwitted of the two, but also more of the hero, as it is he who falls for one of the college girls (which is what leads to most of the misunderstandings) and ultimately has to save her from the real “Evil”. I don’t know if the two have worked together before, or knew each other in real life, but they make for one of the most natural and enjoyable duos in recent memory, and it’s rare to see something that strong in a horror film – this is borderline Gibson and Glover, or Stallone and Russell level chemistry. The kids are a mixed lot (with the exception of Katrina Bowden, the female “protagonists” are particularly bad), but they more than make up for it. Their dog is great too.

It’s also fairly well plotted and structured, rarely stretching believability too far in order to keep the plot moving. Obviously, if anyone would just shut up for a second and explain, there would be no movie, but screenwriter Eli Craig (who also directed) keeps things moving without ever getting too contrived. And the deaths follow suit – the kids pretty much all kill themselves due to their gung-ho attitude and complete lack of survival skills. I particularly liked the bit where Tucker accidentally chainsaws into a beehive and begins running, waving the ‘saw around to try to swat the bees away. He runs toward one of the kids, who of course thinks he’s coming after HIM, and begins to run as well. At one point, Tucker actually runs right past him, at which point the kid realizes the misunderstanding – and then runs straight into an extended tree branch, impaling himself. Craig has a knack for coming up with different ways for these schmucks to get themselves killed in manners that could look intentional from a 3rd party. Not sure what else he could use that skill for, but it’s a good one to have all the same.

But the real draw is just how damn funny it is. I seriously haven’t laughed this much since maybe Macgruber, and I think T&D is even funnier. The ridiculous kills, the clueless reactions, Dale’s surprising wealth of trivia... these things kept me smiling start to finish, and the film was never dull during it’s perfect 85 minute length. It could have gotten repetitive, but luckily Craig manages to find ways to keep it interesting, whether by having Tucker and Dale try to clean things up precisely BECAUSE anyone would think they were guilty, or having Bowden (a budding psychologist) try to get everyone to talk things out over tea. It’s a great mix of subtle humor, over the top silliness, and pitch perfect parody of these particular movies. Early on, Dale tries to talk to the girl using Tucker’s advice to laugh after he talks (because it shows confidence), inexplicably carrying a sickle as he does. When the attempt went predictably awry, I nearly fell off my chair laughing, and it wouldn't be the only time.

I also liked that it (again, like Scream, or Shaun of the Dead) wasn’t laughing AT these sort of movies. At the post-film Q&A, Craig claimed to be a fan of the Chainsaws and Fridays of the world, and I do not doubt him for a second. The film very much plays out like one of those films, but with intelligence and reverence, not spite. The last reel is lighter on humor than the rest of the film, because Craig knows that the audience will want an actual climax to the film, not a big joke or some sort of inane twist (there IS a twist of sorts, but it’s kind of telegraphed throughout the film, and it’s a decent one on top of that). He also said that the eventual DVD might have an extra feature with the movie cut from the kid's point of view, which is interesting because for some reason that's how I thought the film would play out for the first half, and then start over from Tucker and Dale's perspective to see how we had looked at it all wrong. That might work for something more concerned with deconstructing the genre, but I'm glad I had the wrong impression, I think it was perfect to let us know right from the start that Tucker and Dale were not villains.

Speaking of the Q&A, the first question was pretty much the same one most of you probably have: “When is it coming out?” Apparently, they haven’t gotten a satisfying offer yet and are holding out to get one. I understand the desire to make back their money, but he mentioned something about a low up-front offer and a share of the profits – I think they should have taken it, because I cannot believe in a world where this movie wouldn’t be a big hit. It’s funny enough to appeal to comedy fans, and horror fans will love the fresh and creative approach to one of the most overused plot setups in horror history. Easily one of my favorite movies of the year, and I hope they sort out their distribution woes soon so you can all enjoy it before it becomes another casualty of “hype” that builds for too long of a time before the general public gets to see it.

What say you?

P.S. Loved the song during the end credits by Mass Undergoe ('I Dug My Grave and Walked Away') - I need it on Mp3 post-haste!

PLEASE, GO ON...

The Curse Of Frankenstein (1957)

OCTOBER 12, 2010

GENRE: HAMMER, MAD SCIENTIST
SOURCE: DVD (ONLINE RENTAL)

It’s been years (really?) since I watched The Evil Of Frankenstein, which was the 2nd sequel to The Curse Of Frankenstein, which I’m just watching now, obviously. The nice thing about seeing so many “origin” movies is that I don’t have to go in any order like I do with the others, but I probably should have gotten around to this one sooner, as it’s a pretty historically significant horror movie.

For starters, it was the first real team up of Peter Cushing and Christopher Lee. They had appeared in two other, non-horror films prior to this, but in minor roles (and one of them they didn’t even appear together). They’d go on to make some 5691 movies together, so it’s nice to see where it all began. The Dracula movies had better chemistry for the two by design, but even with Lee playing a mute, fairly expressionless monster, you can still see how well they work together, and it’s no surprise that Lee’s scenes are the best in the film. Unlike the Uni movies, the focus is more on Frankenstein than the Monster, so Lee isn’t really in it much – something that disappointed me a bit until I realized that if he was the focus that it would be too much like the several hundred other Frankenstein movies I had watched. Also, the makeup is pretty lousy; apparently Universal was going to sue for copying their design so they had to quickly come up with a new one (it just looks like Christopher Lee wearing a thin mask – you can see his very much alive skin on his neck). Later movies just said “fuck it” and used Jack Pierce’s design. Heh.

Another important fact about this movie – it was the first Hammer film in color, and the first one to tackle the classic monsters, which would become their bread and butter over the next two decades. It’s hard to imagine there was a time where it was a pretty big deal for a major film studio to be redoing a classic horror film, huh? Like the Universal film, it leaves out the North Pole bookends, but it does have a wraparound, with the entire movie being Victor’s story as he awaits execution for the crimes he’s telling us about. And again, it focuses more on Frankenstein than the monster – there’s really only one scene of the Monster loose, where he harasses a blind guy before getting shot by Victor’s mostly unwilling partner in the experiments. So it’s a good example of how to do a new version of a book that’s already been turned into a movie without really copying either of them too closely. I should send Matt Reeves a copy.

Speaking of the bookends, I like that Cushing was all disheveled in them. He’s one of the most proper-looking guys in horror movies ever – always in a nice suit and well scrubbed. I can’t recall another film where he looked like shit; it kind of threw me off at first. In the “happy” scenes he’s his usual well-dressed self, including one purplish number that made him slightly resemble Gene Wilder in the original Willy Wonka film. Also, the bookends prevent the film from ending the second the Monster is killed – I assume that since this was the first, they were still playing with the formula. They wouldn’t often make this mistake again!

And there’s gore! This might have been the first time excess blood was seen in color (I’m probably wrong there). It’s not exactly Dead Alive, obviously, but I bet it was pretty damn stunning back then, like when the Monster gets shot in the face and blood pours out from underneath Lee’s hand, which he has raised to the wound in order to hide the blood pa-, I mean, apply pressure to his fresh, painful wound. Plus he dissolves in acid at the end instead of the usual fire (he gets set on fire too, of course).

The DVD (from Warner) has the trailer, which, as usual for the era, gives pretty much all the money shots away. Cast & Crew is completely worthless – no bios, it’s just a single page with the cast and crew listed, as if you couldn’t get that information from the film itself. Of some minor use is “Hammer Creates A Monster”, a text-based rundown of the history of the franchise as a whole. I would have preferred some more info about THIS film, instead of quick capsule summaries of all seven sequels, but it’s a nice little bonus all the same. It’s how I learned that the one I saw (Evil) was 3rd, for some reason I thought this was the only one before that one. So I need to see Revenge of Frankenstein next, and then I’ll be back on course. I’ve seen most of the Hammer Dracula ones by now, so it seems a good time to move on to their Frankenstein. Hopefully it won’t take 3 years to get to the next one.

What say you?

PLEASE, GO ON...

Rogue River (2010)

OCTOBER 11, 2010

GENRE: SURVIVAL
SOURCE: THEATRICAL (SCREAMFEST)

If you've never seen a single movie before, Rogue River might work for you. It's technically proficient, the acting is good, and even with its familiarity killing it for me, there were still a number of inspired moments. But those moments are not enough to save it from being yet another goddamn movie about someone being taken in by seemingly well-meaning strangers only to find themselves held captive by them.

I mean really, I can name-check almost a half dozen off the top of my head just from the ones that I have seen at Screamfest! Timber Falls, Macabre, Human Centipede, Keepsake, The Season... these films all have traveled the same ground that Rogue River does in some way or other, in addition to god knows how many others. The overly trusting protagonist, the multiple (failed) escape attempts that usually result in bodily harm, the guy who comes to the rescue only to be killed instantly... it's like they're all working from the same template. Even the things in the movie that seem sort of unique have been done in other movies. The fact that they kidnap her in order to have her bare them a child was the plot of Timber Falls, and that one at least had the good sense to try to surprise the audience by having the requisite hillbillies be sort of heroes, ultimately.

Here? The bad guy is... wait for it... Bill Moseley! Wow! Shocking, huh? And that would be fine if he just came right out as the bad guy as soon as he appeared, but no, the movie laughably tries to misdirect us by having Moseley act like a typical, kindhearted small-town guy for about 20 minutes, only to "reveal" his villainous nature later. Why bother? It's Bill Moseley, of course he's the goddamn villain! Again, if you've never seen a single horror movie before, this might be a surprise to you in some way. That's why I loved the approach in films like Human Centipede - the crazy doctor didn't bother hiding his contempt for human beings even for a second. It's a movie where you're not only ahead of them on the basic plot, you're ahead of them on the twists as well.

And after a while the movie even begins ripping ITSELF off, as we get not one but two moments where something bad happens and your reaction is supposed to be "Oh, no - it's her brother!" The first is icky enough to work (like I said, the movie's about this girl being forced to bear a child - do the math), but the second time around it was just idiotic. And by that point I just wanted everyone to die, so I actually laughed (OK, I laughed at the other part too, but that's because I have a sick sense of humor, not because the movie was annoying me). It's also one of those movies that pointlessly starts at the end, so we've already had most of the outcome spoiled for us anyway. They also cheat in this - when we see it at the beginning, the girl puts a gun to her head and then they cut to black as we hear a gunshot, but when the scene shows again, there's a minute or so in between. Five yard penalty, movie.

Luckily, Moseley keeps things just above the "let's just shut it off" threshold (for me anyway, there were a dozen or so walkouts throughout the film). His humorous reactions and outbursts ("Fucking Californians!") were an ill-fit for the movie's otherwise serious and grim tone, but since I didn't like the movie anyway I welcomed the diversion. He wasn't ruining the drama, the drama was ruining his comedy, in other words. I wish he had gone all out and put on a pig nose again. As I said in my review for Babysitter Wanted, I'd like to see him play more hero roles. I think he's a very underrated actor, and it's a shame he keeps getting these sort of roles that he can play in his sleep instead of heroes (or at least non-villains). But to his credit, he always gives it his all - there's no such thing as a phoned in performance with him.

Ordinarily I don't write negative reviews for not-yet-distributed films, but when it's a film festival that you can buy tickets for same as every other movie, I think it's fair game. Also, the nice thing about doing an independent film is that you're free to do something unique and original without a bunch of studio execs demanding things that will be easier for them to market. So when I see an indie film that's just as devoid of creativity as the Hollywood crap, it actually stings more. Come on guys, enough with the "We can do that too!" horror movies. Use your noggin a bit. Or at least let Moseley do something different.

What say you?

PLEASE, GO ON...