Intro

I am Brian, and I watch a horror movie a day. Not because I am obsessive compulsive (well, I am, but that’s not why I do this, at least as far as you know), but because, well, why not? There are certainly worse things one could do every day. Like watch Law & Order, or smoke, or go to work.

But really, the reason is simple: I love horror movies. I have since I was a kid. My mom rented Texas Chain Saw Massacre for me when I was 6 years old. By my tenth birthday I had seen the entire Chainsaw series, plus all of the Halloween, Friday the 13th, Nightmare on Elm St, and Shocker movies (Yes, I know there was only one Shocker, but that’s the world’s problem, not mine). There is nothing else I liked when I was six that I still like now. Behold the power of gore, bad acting, and musical stings!!!

No one gets more passionate about a film genre than a horror fan. Who debates westerns? Where are the RomCom Cons? They don’t exist. But Horror cons are common, and why? Fans like talking the films. A real horror fan can talk about a film for hours on end, even if he didn’t like it. And to me, talking about the movie is just as fun, if not more so, than watching it.

But I can’t talk about it if I haven’t seen it.

Sometimes I would look at my DVDs and realize it had been weeks since I watched one. My Netflix discs, some of which shipped months before, would still be sealed. I had to remedy that.

So I decided, come hell or high water, from that day forward, I would watch a horror movie a day. More specifically, one I couldn’t discuss with another fan in any reasonable fashion, either because I had not seen it, or it had been so long since I had that I could no longer recall much about it. They wouldn’t all be classics. They wouldn’t all be obscure Italian movies. They certainly wouldn’t all be good. But they’d all be horror, and that was my only prerequisite.

This blog will be updated every day with my comments on whatever movie I chose that day. Ideally, folks who have seen it will add their own thoughts. As I do not always write full blown reviews, I’d like it to be the blog equivalent of discussing a movie with your friends after watching it. If you just saw a movie with your friend, you don’t turn to him and offer a plot synopsis. He’d think you were an idiot, or think you thought HE was an idiot and needed the plot recapped for him. Either way someone would be rightfully punched in the groin. No, after you see a movie with your friend, you’re more likely to turn to him and randomly shout out a quote, or poke fun at one of the performances, or whatever. That’s what I’d like to achieve here. As a result, one should not read the thread unless they’ve seen the movie. I write everything assuming you have seen it, and thus spoilers will be included and not marked as such. I will also not offer much in the way of a plot synopsis. The title of the film is the title of the thread. If you haven’t seen it, you probably don’t want to open the thread until you have. What kind of person wants to know how The Wolf Man ends before they have seen it?

(He dies.)

Enjoy!

PLEASE, GO ON...

FAQ

1. WHO ARE YOU?

I dunno, some guy. I love horror movies. Who cares? I will say I am kind of a wiseass and I have an odd sense of humor. I also tend to go off on tangents, and tangents on tangents. When you read these things, just imagine a guy at a bar next to you who’s had a few too many and doesn’t realize you’re not interested. But if you must know, my name is Brian, and I work as an editor of sorts out in Los Angeles

2. WHO THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?

OK I know I am harsh on some films. But it’s just my honest opinion. I am no horror authority (if such a thing exists), nor have I ever taken any writing/journalism classes, so you shouldn’t even be taking me seriously anyway. I did however attend film school and thus I DO know how hard it is to make a film (and being lazy, it’s why I no longer do so). So while I may tear a film apart, I will refrain from insulting the filmmakers on a personal level (however, if the film shows a blatant lack of concern for anything but the desire to make a few bucks, all bets are off. See Drive Thru) . I liken it to when a friend of yours wears gets a bad tattoo, and you make fun of the tattoo, not him. Basically, “You’re ok, but that’s a really awful tattoo.” Same thing with a film. Sometimes a film just doesn’t work for whatever reason. Hell, the guy who made my favorite movie of all time (Halloween) also made one of the worst movies I have ever seen (Ghosts of Mars). At the end of the day, one thing everyone should remember is: EVERY movie, EVER made, is someone’s favorite movie. Yes, even Halloween: Resurrection. One guy’s opinion is simply that.

3. DO YOU REALLY WATCH A MOVIE EVERY DAY?

Yes! In fact, writing a review for each movie was something I came up with after about a month or so of daily movie watching. I don't just review a film a day, nor do I watch a few movies over the weekend and spread the reviews out over the week. Every day, at some point between 12:01 AM and 11:59 PM, I at least start a horror movie (sometimes I have to go see a movie that starts at 11 PM, obviously it wont be done until after 12). No exceptions, no cheating!

4. ARE YOU GOING TO DO THIS FOREVER? WHAT IF YOU RUN OUT OF MOVIES?

Well, I doubt that's possible, what with a dozen hitting DVD every week. I think I'll stop when I need to watch Return to Horror High again. RtHH was the very first movie I watched for Horror Movie A Day, and I didn't write a review at the time. So when the day comes that I can't remember anything about it, I'll watch it, review it, and retire. I like coming full circle on things.

5. WHAT ARE YOUR FAVORITE HORROR FILMS?

Halloween is my favorite piece of entertainment. Not just horror movie, not even just movie, it’s my favorite THING. It’s the film that made me stop just liking movies and instead want to be a part of them. Others include, in no order, Dawn of the Dead, Shocker, Texas Chain Saw Massacre, The Thing (1982), My Bloody Valentine, and Halloween 4. Since I watch these movies quite often, I will add reviews for those over time, they will be referred to as "Non Canon Reviews", as I will still have to watch a new movie on those days.

6. WHY DON’T YOU ASSIGN A LETTER GRADE OR A X OUT OF 10 SCORE?

Two reasons. One, not all of these are ‘reviews’ per se, instead more of just a sort of rambling about a movie in general. And two, a film’s merit should be pretty obvious from the comments. If I spend 10 paragraphs explaining what a colossal waste of time it is to watch Dead & Breakfast, is it really necessary to give it a D- or a 2/10? Also, I would score both Halloween and Silent Night Deadly Night an A+ or 10/10, but for entirely different reasons. But someone might not realize that and assume I think they are equals. We can’t have that.

7. HEY I NEVER SAW THIS MOVIE, YOU JUST SPOILED THE ENDING!

Guess you should have read the intro first. Once again, these aren’t reviews, nor are they summaries of the films. The idea is to make an internet equivalent of the conversation that occurs directly after watching the movie, as you would do with your real life friends. In other words: You should watch the film before reading the post. However, for newer films (i.e. ones that are in theaters), I will try to avoid spoilers or at least warn about them.

8. WHY ARE SOME MOVIES' GENRE LISTED AS 'CRAP'?

Crap is reserved for a movie that has no redeeming value. Theyre not 'so bad it's good', theyre just... well, crap. And you won't gain anything from watching it. Some movies are bad, such as The Roost, but not crap, because there is some stuff in there that's definitely worth your time.

9. WHY DO YOU HATE HALLOWEEN RESURRECTION SO MUCH?

Have you SEEN it?? Christ.

PLEASE, GO ON...

Genre Glossary

Some movies are hard to classify, and some might be puzzled why I consider a movie to be possession when they consider it a ghost movie, or whatever. So here's a glossary of how I determine a movie's genre. It's probably inconsistent with older entries, but I am working on cleaning up (and possibly condensing) the genre tags.

GLOSSARY OF GENRES:

Alien - A movie dealing with alien life forms. They have to be classified as being from another planet, otherwise it's just a monster movie (though it can be both). Example: THING FROM ANOTHER WORLD

Anthology - This is pretty straightforward - a movie featuring a bunch of stories that are too thin to make their own feature length film. Example: NIGHTMARES

Asian - A movie from Japan, China, Thailand, Korea, etc. This will likely feature lots of little ghostly children making noises. Example: RINNE

Beast - A movie where the primary antagonist is an animal such as dog, lion, etc. Example: PREY

Breakdown - One of my favorite sub-genres, this is any movie that more or less begins when our heroes' car breaks down somewhere. Example: CALVAIRE

Classic - Honorary given to any film from the golden age of cinema (up to the 50s). Example: BRIDE OF FRANKENSTEIN

Comedic - This is given to any movie that tries to be funny while also being scary. Unless the film happens to be directed by Edgar Wright, this is likely a failed attempt. Example: TRIPPER

Comic Book - Rarely used, but any movie based on a comic book. Example: GHOST RIDER

Crap - The most widely misunderstood subgenre. Crap is reserved for those films that carry zero reasons anyone should go out of their way to watch them. Not necessarily the WORST films, per se; Halloween Resurrection is one of the worst films I have ever seen, but I would always encourage folks to see it because the first 15 minutes are actually pretty good. However, other films are technically better, but are so pointless and useless that they have no redeeming value. Example: GACY

Exploitation - A movie that's usually made for no money, and always glorifies sex and violence (often simultaneously), and probably starring Cameron Mitchell. Example: THE DEMON

Ghost - Movies about ghosts that utilize traditional scare tactics and focus on key characters, while never (or at least, not usually) taking physical form via another character (that would be possession). Example: PULSE

Giallo - A typically Italian film with stylish murders. Similar to a slasher, but classier. Example: DEEP RED

Haunted House - A movie where the ghosts are confined to a house or its immediate area (instead of haunting characters wherever they go). Example: ABANDONED

Holiday - Sub-genre, usually a slasher film, where the murders revolve around a certain holiday.
Example: APRIL FOOL'S DAY

Independent - This is given to films that are truly independent in that they were created primarily through the hard work and personal finance of one or two key individuals (i.e. the director). Example: GOD OF VAMPIRES

Italian - Duh. Example: OPERA

Killer Kid - A movie where the primary antagonist is someone who is not old enough to drive. Example: DEVIL TIMES FIVE

Mad Scientist - A movie where the insane human scientist is just as much (or more) of a threat as whatever monster he creates. Example: BODY PARTS

Monster - A movie with a monster. This is often used in conjunction with another sub-genre such as Classic, Mad Scientist, and even Slasher. Example: UNEARTHED

Possession - A movie where the spirit of the villain possesses otherwise innocent human characters and uses them to carry out their violent plans. Example: CATHY'S CURSE

Psychological - Used for films that could actually happen (or in some cases did). Focus is more on character than story. Example: DEAD RINGERS

Puppet - A movie with a puppet! Example: DEAD SILENCE

Remake - A movie that is a remake of a (usually superior) film. These films are usually awful, unless they happen to star Sophia Bush. Example: THE INVASION

Serial Killer - Not to be confused with a slasher, these are serious movies that are about serial killers, often based on actual events. Example: ZODIAC

Slasher - My all time favorite genre. In Slashers, the killer is masked or at least generally unseen, the film will likely be seen from his POV at times, and concerns a group of friends being stalked and killed one at a time until only one or two are left. Example: ALL THE BOYS LOVE MANDY LANE

Supernatural - Movies concerning witchcraft, the Devil, etc. Example: THE REAPING

Survival - In Survival movies, there are usually more bad guys than good (or one on one), and the film will concern the attempts of our lead to escape them (as opposed to a Slasher, where the danger is usually not readily known for most of the film), and often the environment they are in (desert, woods, etc). Example: BLOOD TRAILS

Vampire - Jesus. A movie with vampires! Example: DRACULA II: ASCENSION

Video Game - A movie either based on an actual game, or one where a video game is the primary source of the danger. These movies are always awful, unless they happen to star Sophia Bush. Example: STAY ALIVE

Weird - These are movies where I generally have no idea what is happening throughout most of the running time, but in a manner that actually elevates my enjoyment. Example: THE MANITOU

Werewolf - A movie with ham sandwiches. What the hell do you think? Example: THE WOLF MAN

Zombie - Oh for christ's sake. Example: DEAD AND BREAKFAST.

PLEASE, GO ON...