If you're just coming here for the first time, uh... you're late. The site is no longer updated daily (see HERE for the story). But it's still kicking a few times a month, and it's better late than never! Most reviews nowadays are labeled "FTP:" and you should read THIS PRIMER to understand why. Also, while they're marked nowadays, many of the site's older reviews (i.e. 2010 or older) do contain unannounced spoilers, so tread carefully! Thanks for coming by and be sure to leave comments, play nice, and as always, watch Cathy's Curse.
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Salem's Lot (2024)
SEPTEMBER 25, 2024
GENRE: VAMPIRE
SOURCE: THEATRICAL (PREMIERE SCREENING)
It's amusing to me that Salem's Lot has been adapted three times, and while the first two were TV miniseries that got theatrical play*, this newest incarnation was meant for theatrical release only to be shipped off to streaming (Max, specifically). However, we were lucky enough to get a one-off showing here in LA as part of Beyond Fest, so we could appreciate the visuals and fine work from its cast on the big screen, without rebuffering issues or–if applicable–spending part of it looking at our phones if the movie failed to hold our attention. But in a weird way, maybe it'd be better to watch the movie that way, as we could assume all of the missing story beats occurred while we were doomscrolling.
For those who haven't read the novel or seen either of the other adaptations (Tobe Hooper's celebrated 1979 one, and Mikael Salomon's solid TNT take in 2004), the basic story is intact—no one's ever drastically overhauled King's 1975 novel. A writer named Ben Mears (Lewis Pullman this time around) returns to his small hometown in Maine to get inspiration for his next book, targeting the town's obligatory "haunted" house once owned by a gangster named Marsten. Upon his arrival he learns that the house has just been purchased by a pair of mysterious antique store owners named Barlow and Straker, with the former man never actually seen as the latter handles all of the operations. Not long after their arrival in town, a body count starts to rise, and after a pooling of information between Ben, a kid named Mark, a teacher named Matt, and a local woman/Ben's love interest Susan, they conclude that the town has a vampire problem, and they go about trying to end it.
All of that is intact here. Writer/director Gary Dauberman doesn't change much from the original novel (even the period setting is retained; the 2004 one updated it for modern day but this is actually set in the novel's publication time of 1975); the most significant diversion is that the town has a new drive-in, and the climax is set there instead of in/around the Marsten house, with the story concluding there instead of an epilogue set years later (if I'm being honest, the ending of King's book wasn't very satisfying, and all three versions have done their best to improve on it). But perhaps he should have made more changes, or followed the path of the predecessors and pushed for a two part movie, because seeing this familiar story being told again albeit on double speed does it no favors.
A friend of mine said he went to a test screening of the film that ran around three hours, and I do not doubt it (it's around 110 min now including both credit sequences). Not only are there names in the credits for characters who do not appear (such as Ruth Crockett, daughter of Larry the real estate guy, who himself is given far less screentime than he did in the two previous adaptations), but it seems like the entire second act of the movie occurs off-screen. There's a scene where Alfre Woodard's character, Dr Cody (usually a male named Jimmy) goes to see the sheriff (William Sadler, always a delight) to ask for his help, and he replies something like "Look around you, you see what they're doing to this town!?" - and I burst out laughing, because NO, we haven't seen any of it! Characters are constantly popping up as if we should have met them already; hell, when (spoiler) Barlow kills Mark's parents, it's in the same scene where we met them for the first time. Right from the start it felt like a movie that was being sped up in the edit, as there's zero buildup to Barlow and Straker being in town and the guys are moving the coffin into the Marsten house basement at like the five minute mark. And, to be clear, my friend didn't tell me about this until days later; it wasn't information I had in my head all along. He just confirmed that the "this was cut to the bone" sense I got from it was 100% apt.
In fact I almost feel bad writing a negative review, because there was probably a good movie in there before the re-editing robbed it of its soul. Dauberman has proven to be a dependable talent over the years, and again, the cast is great. I've always enjoyed Pullman's work since he was younger (he was the 18ish son in Strangers 2) and it's nice to see him ascend to leading man status here, and Bill Camp (as Burke) is one of those actors who seem to have been put on this earth to play folksy/endearing Stephen King characters. And while he didn't seem to be on the same page as everyone else tonally, I was delighted by Pilou Asbæk as Straker; the scene where he attempts to kidnap the Glick kids had me full on cackling as he just keeps staring at them after they turn down his offer to drive them home (and the subsequent scene where he does indeed capture one of them, played out in silhouette against a setting sun, is gorgeous). Barlow's design is a direct recycle of Reggie Nalder's from the Hooper version, which is a little disappointing, but it's still an effective visual.
Alas, the director is Gary Dauberman, not Zack Snyder, so I doubt there will be enough angry/petulant losers harassing HBO for years until they finally give him more money to complete his original vision just to shut the crybabies up. I'm sure a few years from now he will give an interview somewhere and talk about his longer cut and what was lost, but until then, all we have is this: a nice looking, well cast movie that tried to stay too faithful to a story that previous filmmakers couldn't even fully capture with nearly twice as much time to do so. Maybe those who are completely new to the story will find more to like, because those story beats won't be as familiar, but for me, who has seen/read this story before (three times, in fact!), it came across as too hollow to make much of an impact. And that's damning for a big screen showing (at Beyond Fest no less, where the crowd energy is always infectious). If I watched on Max, I can guarantee you I would have found some really funny memes on Instagram by the end of it.
What say you?
*Hooper's version was (irony alert) cut down and played theatrically in Europe. Both parts of the TNT one had a one night Fathom Events kind of theatrical exhibition the night before it premiered, which I remember because I went. And it played off a DVD at a time when 35mm was still the majority format, which tickled me: a dvd in a theater of a movie designed for broadcast.
PLEASE, GO ON...Speak No Evil (2024)
SEPTEMBER 23, 2024
GENRE: THRILLER
SOURCE: THEATRICAL (REGULAR SCREENING)
If you’ve been to a movie in the past six months you’ve probably seen the trailer for Speak No Evil; if you go as often as I do you are probably more familiar with some of the film’s moments than you are with the faces of your own family members at this point. Which is kind of ironic, because it’s a remake of a film that isn’t all that old, and the film doesn’t really have much to it beyond its thrills, so the familiarity was a detriment to what was actually a solid nailbiter.
If you’ve somehow escaped the trailer (or, again, the original film – more on that soon), the plot is pretty simple: an American family (Mackenzie Davis, Scoot McNairy, and a daughter) makes the acquaintance of an English couple (James McAvoy and Aisling Franciosi) who has a single child of their own. They hit it off, the kids enjoy playing together, and everyone has a pretty good time. Then the Americans go home (to London, having moved for a job that ended up fizzling) and get an invite from Paddy (McAvoy) to join them for a weekend in their country home. Wanting a change of pace, they decide to go, despite some hesitations re: not really knowing them all that well. The first day goes smoothly enough, but Paddy and Louise (Davis) butt heads over their differing lifestyles (he hunts with a rifle, she’s a vegetarian, etc.), forcing Ben (McNairy) to constantly try to play peacekeeper. Eventually they cross a line that’s too much for Davis and she decides that they need to leave early, at which point it becomes clear why this film might end up on a site covering horror movies.
That said, as far as violence goes it’s still pretty tame even for a thriller. The order of the day here isn’t racking up a body count, but seeing how far writer/director James Watkins can push the tension BEFORE it erupts into violence. And thanks to McAvoy’s towering performance, it actually works quite well, as you get the idea he can suddenly kill any of them just as quickly and casually as he lets out an inappropriate comment or putdown. If you’ve seen the trailer you’re probably familiar with the “Cotton Eyed Joe” dance scene between the two kids, but the full version is truly terrifying as he gets angrier and angrier with his son’s inability to keep time. He's obviously played villains before, but he's in next-level mode here; the sort of role that might get name-checked among "great psychopath performances" down the road.
Honestly, the whole thing really hinges on McAvoy’s performance. Everyone’s good (Franciosi in particular has a tricky role in that you aren’t sure until very late if her Ciara is a true partner to her more outwardly evil husband or another of his victims), but this is all his show as he walks that fine line of being juuuuust weird enough to understand why Ben and Louise might not want to stay as long as originally planned but without going so far that they seem like idiots for not leaving even sooner. Of course, people have still decried the two for their actions, saying “Any normal person would have left already!” or whatever, but the script showcases how both of them are kind of afraid to do anything about anything (Louise won’t jump into the water with the rest, Ben won’t let her have it about a brief affair she had), so it tracks that they’d probably feel they were being rude by leaving.
Also, as a parent, I want to assure non-parents who have seen it that yes, we absolutely would go back for our child’s sacred “Lovey.” There’s a scene in the movie where they DO decide to finally leave due to something Ciara had done that unnerved them, only to turn back when they realize they forgot their daughter’s beloved stuffed bunny named Mr Hoppy. And then, after they discover Paddy’s true nature and try to make a calm escape so as not to enrage him, they see he has thrown the doll on the roof, forcing Ben to climb a rickety ladder to retrieve it. I’m sure childless audiences feel this is insane and they would just drive away, but nope. You wouldn’t believe how long I spent in the dark looking for my kid’s beloved Elmo doll when he dropped it during a walk many years back, so the idea of merely turning around to grab it from the bedroom of a house owned by some people I didn’t really gel with is certainly within the realm of possibility. And the ladder scene is Paddy trying to call their bluff; if Ben DIDN’T go out of his way to get the thing, now that it’s been established over and over how much the doll meant to their daughter, Paddy would have known right away that they knew his secret. So TLDR: it's not as dumb as critics would like you to believe.
Which brings us to the whole remake aspect, and you might want to skip the next two paragraphs if you haven’t seen either version, as there are spoilers for both! Yes, surprising no one, this version is much tamer than the Danish original, in which the bad guys won. That doesn’t happen here, but I didn’t mind it, because ultimately it’s a different kind of movie. The original was your typical dark/grim European thriller, most of which end on a downer, and while there’s nothing wrong with those, to me personally they often lack tension. Once we know how far they’ll go (in that case, the Paddy character kills his own son) there’s precious little reason to believe anyone else will make it out alive. Here, by repeatedly putting the heroes in danger, Watkins gives the movie a suspenseful edge that the original somewhat lacked, because there's simply more uncertainty.
That said (again we are still in spoiler territory here! Skip to next paragraph if you must!), Watkins maybe plays things a little TOO safe, in that the family not only escapes intact but barely even sustains any injuries (Ben hurts his foot a bit, that’s about as deep as it goes). Sure, this helps with the suspense element, because the husbands tend to die in these things and so you’re thinking it’s not a matter of if but when, but… you know, he doesn’t die. None of them do. I get not wanting to make it as bleak, but perhaps Watkins went a little too far in the other direction. It’s a good thing that McAvoy is so scary in the role just with his mannerisms and expressions, because the script curiously keeps him from doing all that much to our heroes, so a lesser actor/performance would have left the movie without any real threat at all for the most part.
Then again the script DOES let him angrily sing The Bangles’ “Eternal Flame” and it might be one of the best things I’ve seen in a theater all year, so forget what I said about its shortcomings. It is evened out!
For real though, this has been the only Blumhouse movie all year that I enjoyed without any real reservations. Sure, it could have retained at least SOME of the original’s darkness, but I can’t completely dismiss a movie that kept me fully engaged and gripping my armrest, anchored by an all timer performance by one of our more interesting modern actors. So without going so far as to say it’s an essential view, it’s another solid entry on Watkins’ filmography, and another chilling reminder of why we shouldn’t make friends with whoever we meet on vacation.
What say you?
P.S. You don't need the trailer again. Watch the Bangles video.
PLEASE, GO ON...
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