AUGUST 13, 2024
GENRE: ALIEN
SOURCE: THEATRICAL (ADVANCED SCREENING)
I started collecting vinyl about two years ago, and for the most part I basically just buy up the discography from my favorite bands/artists (obviously this all began with Meat Loaf, of course) and scores I enjoy. But I skip over greatest hits type albums for the collection, because I know I won't ever actually sit and listen to it. Why would I? If I love the artist, I don't need their radio hits all in one place, since those are the ones I probably need to hear less of in the first place. Greatest Hits packages are for people who just want familiarity and a series of dopamine hits.
Alien: Romulus is a Greatest Hits package in the form of a movie, right down to the one token new song (idea) to get you interested.
Which is to say, there's not a lot that's technically BAD about the movie (though one thing is very bad, and I'll get to it later with a spoiler warning), it's just bland and familiar more often than not, and that seems to be counterproductive for this particular series. Prior to Ridley Scott returning with Prometheus and Covenant (and producing this one; REAL producing, not a token "Executive Producer" credit), the first six movies—and yes, for this particular point I'm including the two Predator fights— were each directed by a different person who brought their sensibilities to the table, and that was a good thing. Do I love AVP? Hell no, but I like that we got to see what a Paul WS Anderson Alien movie would look like. The filmmakers were never lost to the IP machine the way they can be with other big franchises, which made each new entry something to look forward to, even if they rarely rose above the level of pretty good.
But unfortunately, Fede Alvarez, who directed and co-wrote this one, ended up taking the safest route possible, which in modern terms means "It's loaded with a bunch of callbacks for people who love the other movies." I truly don't understand why this seems to be a popular way of making sequels lately; like, we all love Aliens as much as (in many cases, more than) the original film, but does that have a bunch of repeated lines and scenarios? No! It's entirely its own thing outside of Ripley and the monster itself. But here, after a fairly original (if not particularly interesting) first hour, Alvarez feels content to start loading the film up with references to the other movies, reaching its nadir with someone actually saying "Get away from her you bitch!" (Salt in the wound, as a friend noted after: given that this film chronologically takes place before Aliens, that means if you're watching the whole series in narrative order, Ripley's version is now the repeat.)
To be fair, I was actually pleasantly surprised that a plot point actually ties into Prometheus and Covenant. Since the latter ended on a cliffhanger we're likely never going to see fully resolved with another Michael Fassbender-centric entry, at least this gives a little hope that its storylines can at least be acknowledged should there be another sequel. I'm all for that sort of thing, but when you have star Cailee Spaeny riding up an elevator with an air blast hitting her as she wields a space gun before going into battle (Aliens), or turning her head to the side and screaming as a Xeno gets right up in her face (3), or—I can't believe this is real—literally going through the same kind of climax as Resurrection, I kind of lost patience with the "we have no ideas of our own so let's just restage the other guys' big moments" approach.
But maybe it'd go down easier if I cared enough about the characters going through these all too familiar motions? I would guess that the script and maybe even a first edit of the movie had a longer first act, as we are introduced to our characters in a manner that suggests we should have either met these people before or gotten to know them a little more before they blasted off into space. We meet Spaeny's Rain and her droid "brother" Andy (why not Eddie or Eli? They messed up the alphabetical naming structure of the droids!) on a mining facility, where she believes that she has come to the end of her mandatory work period (5-6 years) and can go home. However, the Company decides she needs another 10,000 hours of service there before being allowed to return to her own system, crushing her spirits. But then, moments later, she gets on a ship with a bunch of people she has a history with, and they rope her and Andy into joining them for a heist of some ship parts at a decommissioned Company space station, needing Andy's droid skills to access them.
This transition is very weird, seeming only minutes have passed between Rain getting the bad news and then getting this incredible opportunity to make it not matter. And it seems pretty easy for her to just leave after hearing that she was going to have to work another half decade there, making me wonder why they even bothered with this setup in the first place. Surely they could have just been bored with their life there and taken the opportunity for a little adventure or something? Or they could have shown Company personnel tracking her down before she "escaped"? It just really felt like they lopped a chunk of backstory out for the sake of getting into space earlier, and I get that sentiment, but it just makes the first ten minutes seem completely pointless (i.e. we could have gotten there even SOONER). Similarly, it's hard to get much of a grasp on the four space pirates they join up with; one seems to be a former love interest (but as we know from Twisters, god forbid anyone kiss in a movie anymore) and another is pregnant, but that's about all I could tell you about their group. Andy is far and away the most interesting character, a glitching droid that comes off as autistic with his endless bad pun jokes (one of which made me laugh, and I was ashamed) and inability to read the room. Once they arrive at the space station they realize that they need to upgrade him in order to access certain things, and from then on you see his struggle with his more human big brother identity and his "Company man" version that came with his upgrade, and it's the closest the movie gets to being fully engaging on a character level. Everyone else, including Rain, is just stock fodder.
There is a 7th character in the movie, however. Their name is Rook. If you don't want to know any more about Rook, who is absent from marketing thus far and the movie's big halfway point reveal, I'll just note that I don't care for Rook's presence in the movie and ask you to skip the next paragraph.
OK, for those who are still here, I'm going to bury Rook's identity a little further just so the people skipping past don't see it right in their peripheral. But without that detail, I can say their appearance involves some kind of body double/CGI/probably some AI voice nonsense hybrid to recreate an actor who would be much older now than they were in 1979 if they weren't also deceased. If you were horrified by the CGI Moff Tarkin in Rogue One, then be prepared for what I feel is an even worse resurrection here. Their first appearance is fine; with the face confined to shadow and long shots making it hard to tell for sure but any die hard fan (or anyone who just watched the original, more on that soon) could tell it was another Ash model. But after a few minutes of that, they put this ghoulish recreation front and center, and each time we were treated to Ian Holm's PS3-ass looking face, I checked even further out of the movie. And he plays an important part; in fact given the Covenant plot thread Rook goes with, I wouldn't be surprised if they wanted to get Fassbender back for this role and couldn't for whatever reason, so settled for this instead. Whatever the thinking was, it did not work AT ALL for me, and considering the movie wasn't exactly firing on all cylinders for me at that point to begin with, it basically cemented that this movie wasn't going to recover with a better second half.
OK it's safe again!
On the plus side, there are some pretty good sequences, like a fun bit (if video game-y af) where Spaeny triggers some anti-gravity thing in order to shoot a bunch of Xenomorphs without their acid blood causing a hull breach, as they're on the bottom floor of the station so any blood that spills would run out of juice long before it floated all the way up to the structure's roof. And as always, we get facehuggers before Xenos, but this time there are like a dozen of the things, which scamper after our heroes and produce the film's one legitimate scare moment. Also, as a sucker for real time, I'm pretty sure that a 40ish minute countdown actually plays out in that exact amount of screen time, so that was fun.
Fans of Alvarez' other films should be happy with the handful of gore moments, too. The curiously small cast (including Rook, there's just the seven - one less than the Nostromo since there's no Jonesy to mix it up) means they don't happen all that often, but when they do he makes them count. It's also got its fair share of squeamish moments, which I can appreciate; for anyone who wished they could just pull the thing off of Kane's face all those years ago, you'll get your wish here. And on that note, there's a real attempt at going into more body horror territory with the chestburster stuff, and... well, as I noted earlier, one character is pregnant. It's not just a throwaway detail. Use your imagination.
But it just never really comes to life as a whole. Showing it right after the first movie didn't really do it any favors; that one's not exactly a roller coaster ride itself, so to instantly watch another movie without any real threat for close to an hour felt a bit taxing on the patience of a lot of people in the crowd (you could almost feel the energy throughout the first 45 minutes). And then when things finally get going, it's mostly just a lot of stuff we've seen before (for better or worse, Alvarez pays tribute to every entry in one way or another) but to characters we had more reason to be invested in. At times (and someone else said this later) it felt to me like it was a pitch reel for an Alien themed maze at Universal Horror Nights as opposed to a movie we were supposed to get really pumped for or tensed up by. And with so few genuine IDEAS at play (not to mention building toward one of two endings: an open ended one that leaves some room for our survivors to explore before Aliens, or, well, going right into Aliens), there's just simply not much here to latch on to unless you are easily swayed by seeing actors do and say things you've seen other actors do across 45 years/eight other movies.
So I dunno. Apart from "Rook" I can't say I DISLIKED any of it really, but in some ways I'd almost rather there were more bad ideas and terrible things like him just so it would be more memorable. I can't remember any of the other character's names outside of Rain and Andy, I wouldn't be able to pick their ship out of a lineup, and I certainly couldn't tell you how this particular version of the Xeno differed from the ones in other movies (that said: save Rook, the FX were all solid, at least). Two good sequences (facehugger chase and zero grav shootout) and another interesting droid character to join David, Ash, and Bishop (sorry, Call) does not make up enough for the lame callbacks and perfunctory characters and storyline. They raced through all the "let's meet our heroes and see what they are about" time in order to get to the alien stuff quicker, and then didn't really do anything all that interesting when it got there. Say what you will about the last few entries (not counting the AVPs in this case), at least they were trying to invoke the "sci-fi" part of the sci-fi/horror blend. Going back to a more purely action/horror blend like the first three isn't a bad idea on its own, but it's gotta deliver the excitement and scares in that case. And Romulus, alas, does not.
What say you?
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