Paranormal Incident (2011)

JULY 8, 2012

GENRE: HAUNTED HOUSE, MOCKUMENTARY
SOURCE: STREAMING (NETFLIX INSTANT)

Stop. Just stop. At this point there is absolutely no reason for a found footage movie involving a haunting of any sort. Every location, every plot, every possible scare has been done, and done again. It’s bad enough we’ll probably have to endure another 4-5 Paranormal Activity movies (and apparently Grave Encounters 2 is on the way), so please don’t be adding things like Paranormal Incident to the mix. It’s been covered. Move on.

I mean, I guess I can give them credit for being up front with their inspiration, as they merely kept the first word and consulted a thesaurus for the second (despite what my first paragraph pleaded, I’m sure “Paranormal Occurrence” is in some stage of development). But it doesn’t change the fact that it’s a shamefully recycled story, populated with hateful, obnoxious characters without any way to tell them apart beyond their physical appearance. There’s the blond girl, the black guy, the Spanish girl, the white guy, and the other blond girl. But her hair is straight whereas the other one’s is curly – so much depth!

Oh and John, the guy who is the only one who survived the night at the asylum and is being questioned by an agent of some sort about what happened. It’s the closest thing to an original idea in the movie, as he sat outside all night and thus doesn’t know what happened, so the agent is showing him the tapes (which is how we’re seeing the footage). Why she needs to show him the ones that just show the characters fucking around or arguing about infidelity or whatever is beyond me, but that’s not nearly as problematic as the fact that these scenes are inexplicably scored. So they found the tapes and hired someone to compose them for John’s benefit?

That’s not the only proof that the filmmakers didn’t know how to properly commit to the found footage idea (shocking, I know). I particularly liked when a girl gets dragged down the hall (sure, rip off Rec while you’re at it!) and somehow manages to film both her POV (facing the position she was being dragged from) and her screaming face with one camera! Either the ghost (or “Devil” – not sure if it’s just coincidence but I had flashbacks to Episode 50 more than once) was tracking along with her, or they just fucked up. I also had to laugh at the scene where the two guys begin beating each other up, because it goes out of its way to demonstrate the biggest issue people have with these movies: the “why are they still filming” thing. When the fight begins, we see it through the lens of a third character who is filming with her handheld. Now, normally, you can complain about this, but ideally you’d be caught up in the excitement of the moment and thus not think about it too much.

But here’s the thing – the characters have set up motion sensor cameras everywhere, and we see things through that POV all the time as well (that’s the other thing that they botch – if she’s just showing him the tapes why are different camera angles edited together on one tape?). And this is one such time, so they ridiculously cut to a high angle showing both the two guys fighting AND the girl just awkwardly standing there filming it for no reason! It’s breathtaking in its total lack of intelligence, even by the low standards of one of these movies.

Oh, and the whole thing is about how they can’t escape (John has locked them in) when there are air conditioners on the first floor windows that can easily be removed. Guess we can just ignore that one.

The filmmakers couldn’t be bothered to look up basic info about ghost hunting and paranormal investigation, either, with characters asking others to “do an EVP” (you can’t DO one, you have to record and hope you CAPTURE one. It’s like saying “do a ghost”, essentially). I’m still laughing at the bit where one of the blond girls held up a standard voice recorder (the exact same one I use for interviews, in fact) and asks the ghost to tell her what happened there, and to “speak right into this recorder”, as if he’s going to waltz on out and use his radio voice. I mean, if we’re supposed to think that these folks are all idiots, fine, but if so that didn’t come across very well, especially since they’re all equally moronic. Comedy needs a straight man to work.

And that doesn’t even work, because the agent even makes a point to ask why they have all that equipment, so it seems that at least SOME of them would take this seriously and know that a ghost won’t just tell his side of a story into your Sony voice recorder. In order for horror to work, you have to make the audience believe that the world is real (ESPECIALLY in this sub-genre), and that’s Paranormal Incident’s biggest failure – every single thing about it feels phony. Not only did I not believe the footage was real, but I actively found it hard to believe that the characters watching it were able to accept it as anything but footage from a terrible horror movie. And their scenes feel phony as well, but at least there’s a reason for that. Unfortunately I can’t explain it; not because of fear of spoilers, but because I have no idea what the hell they were going for with the “reveal” at the end. My best guess is that they want to make a sequel to this thing, but if that actually comes to pass at least I can take comfort in the fact that HMAD will be done by the time it sees release and thus I won’t have the slightest bit of interest in seeing it.

What say you?

23 comments:

  1. I agree 100%!!! But what the hell was the place John was held at at the end? That through me off worse than the Saw movies...

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  2. I submit nearly 500 suggestions and yet you still waste your time watching crap like this? I just don't get it...

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    1. Seriously, BC. There are countless good movies that you haven't seen, yet you keep wasting your time with Asylum and Syfy crap. I'd almost rather see you end HMAD early than go on with these awful looking movies. Nobody wants to see half the shit you've been reviewing lately, so why should you have to suffer? Take another look through the suggestions thread, there's some good stuff in there. When you write your autobiography, there's no need for it to be titled "Glutton For Punishment."

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    2. Can't help that most of the titles in the suggestion thread are constantly "long wait" if available at all. HMAD is not a profitable site, it costs me money to do it. Thus, I can't just go buy the movies in the thread. I watch what's available.

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    3. That's unfortunate. And quite upsetting, really. Why should the dreck be so readily available while the good stuff is so hard to find? What is this world coming to when anyone and everyone can see an Asylum mockbuster whenever they want but the unheralded classics remain lost to the general population?

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    4. Reading that again I realize that I came off sounding totally dickish and that wasn't my intention at all. I meant to say that it pains me to see you having to watch bad movies for something you're doing solely for fun. BC I think you should start a Kickstarter to fund the acquisition of good movies for the final run of HMAD. You've provided us all with lots of great free reading material, so perhaps we could all return the favor.

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    5. Suggestion: get a P.O. Box and publish a "wish list". At least one reader with too much time and money in his hands will ship you some stuff.

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  3. You should try and track down Evidence. Its not a great movie but it tries to be somewhat original so its at least interesting to watch.

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  4. The one question I have is what did the "devil" say to john?

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  5. Yes, just finished watching this (netflix)

    if anyone can figure out the ending please let me know: gregory.kirk.moore@gmail.com

    Thanks,
    Greg

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  6. Just Finished watching this 'film' and I have say, I gave it the MST 3K treatment. I was not even slightly interested in the characters, some of the effects were decent...but the whole ending made no since what so ever, the 'Devil' spoke to him? What did he say? and what the heck was up with some government goons and a, what was it 273? I have yet to find anyone who can make since of this...drivel.

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  7. I just finished watching this movie...you and I have some different thoughts on it. When you were discussing the "footage" and how it seemed pre-edited for John's viewing pleasure, I actually think it was done for the sake of the physical audience "us". It gives us more of a timeline so that the scenes don't appear to be choppy. How annoying would it be if we had to actually think about what scene goes where in this sequent of events? It would become confusing and moreover frustrating. As for the multitude of camera angles, I feel as though it was an attempt to "break the fourth wall". Yes, we are viewing tapes, and yes, John is also watching footage, but I think they were trying to put the audience "in the moment" of the five people in the asylum. I honestly don't understand the ending--or rather, the purpose of it. Okay, so some government agents are trying to cover up what happened? Sure. Cliche. I get it. But then it cuts to the girl still in the asylum...why was this necessary? My take is that the ending is no different from your typical alien abduction movie: the events are real but the government doesn't want us to know.

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  8. Dude, its supposed to be found footage, they want us to think it is real, so appealing to an audience ruins the whole concept of found footage. We are to believe that this is all real and was really being captured, no acting, no scripts, like holy crap these guys are really going through this for real. Most of the movie was obvious and the acting and film directing and editing made it obvious that this found footage was directed. Dont get me wrong, wenall know these movies arent real, but all we are saying is, cant they make a better effort at making it look real instead of an edited, scripted, acted out and directed copy cat? The ending was just rediculas

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  9. the interviewer was so annoying I stopped after she showed up

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  10. can someone explain the end? Because I am lost on what happened.

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  11. Can someone explain the ending?

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  12. Ive just watched this film too and although i didnt think much to it i would like to know what the ending was all about?? If anyone knows please email me at michaelamcgovern@yahoo.com cheers.

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  13. idk if anyone noticed, but the man who someone says us government appears to me to be the doctor smoking the ciggarette from the previous found footage by the students. and i believe the doctor who stated "i will never let them close odenbrooke", was still claiming patients thus him and his "crew" trying to cure john. if you recall, the students stated it was reported doctors sexually abused patients in the basement.. this being my take on sam being kept there for his pleasure (minnnnee). as for the devil thing.. idk what he said but i believe the doctor was the ghost mastermind behind it all!

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  14. What on earth was that ending about? Is it still secretly in operation or what?

    Email me at nikibalmer@gmail.com please?

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  15. one comment to whoever wrote the review. when they were fighting towards the end the girl only had the camera recording for the light she clearly stated that. & the camera view wasnt from her camera it obviously said that it was the main entrance camera just like the base cameras that were already in the building that were motion sensored & only recored when triggered which they mentioned in the begining which is why they set up all the other cameras. As for the ending idk what the devil said but the interviewer must have worked for the government & they hid all the evidence that showed the place was paranormal which explains why he used a number code just as police do when stating a crime over the radio. i also believe the ending was held in the assylum where all those people still stayed which the guy stated he will never let the place close. they were all subjects & the ghosts were conditioned to want to stay there thats why they were able to kill off all the students. just my opinion. case closed

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  16. Am i the only one who thinks this guy sounds like an asshole? There are holes in every movie. Some are explained in this movie (not saying this movie was awesome). Why do they always run upstairs in movies? That is an aspect in a lot of horror films.

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  17. Thanks to revisiting this review to see what the above commenter was talking about, I saw that I said "HMAD will be done by the time a sequel happens" and that is not true! I just saw the sequel on the shelf the other day. I'm actually tempted to watch.

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  18. There was so much fail with them being trapped. Like an hour in they try every window minus the windows in the area they are set up in. At least they could have thrown plywood on them to make it look sealed.

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