SEPTEMBER 16, 2008
IMDb says Swamp Women is horror, and it is included on the 50 Horror Classics box set. Which begs the question: who the fuck watched this movie and said “Yes, this is most definitely a horror movie”??? Some jerk I bet. Roger Corman may be involved, but that doesn’t make it horror. If I was being generous, I would call it a light thriller, which is one of my categories. Also, there IS a scene where our protagonists are menaced by an alligator, so that’ll just have to do.
Swamp Women (which I assumed would be about females with the powers of Swamp Thing; no dice) is a pretty straightforward movie. Some broads break out of prison, bicker, take a male hostage, flirt with him, argue some more, and then the cops show up to arrest them for whatever it is they did (breaking out of prison, and something about stolen jewels). About halfway through, an alligator is seen swimming near one of them and there is some minor suspense over whether or not the girl will get out of the water OK, and the final 5 minutes is pretty much just two of the women punching and tossing each other around (which is pretty awesome), but otherwise nothing really happens in this movie. The body count is... one, if I am counting right. Two if you count a rather unthreatening snake that serves as a “monster” for the finale.
The most entertainment I got out of this flick was how laidback the girls were in their hostage-taking. They untie the guy like 3 or 4 times during the film, let him walk around their camp, etc. Plus at one point or another I think they all hit on him, and when their boat gets stuck at one point, he is never made to help them get it out. And apparently Stockholm Syndrome took fast hold of him; less than 5 minutes after being captured he seems pretty content with the whole thing. It’s the most pleasant kidnapping I’ve ever seen in a film.
I also like how quickly they escape from jail. Really, the whole “imprisonment” section of the film runs under 4 minutes, which kind of kills any real sense of desperation the characters might be feeling. More screentime is devoted to shots of the parade that the first scene takes place at than the prison which is ostensibly the main crux of the film.
Then again, maybe Mill Creek just really botched this one. The IMDb claims there is a version that runs 84 minutes (this one was about 68); maybe that 16 minutes included some legit horror elements. Since about 2-3 minutes of the film is presented in what appears to be footage that was taped off of someone’ TV screen, it’s pretty obvious that the Creek wasn’t too concerned with providing its customers with the most respectful transfer/version of this junk.
What say you?