NOVEMBER 26, 2007
Contrary to the belief of anyone who’s ever read a BC-penned review of a Bruce Willis movie, I am a straight man. So watching Teeth, a film in which the horror elements are strictly limited to men getting their genitalia severed by “Vagina Dentata” (it’s exactly what you think it might be), may possibly leave me with permanent mental scars, or worse... certain, uh... dysfunctions.
For women, and men who can separate cinema from reality, it’s a lot of fun. There’s a lot of dry humor, which is right up my alley, and each of the... attack(?) scenes are punctuated with a gag or two. I appreciate this; no one wants to see a movie about a girl with a biting vagina and not have a good time. Plus, the idea itself is unique, and combining it with some light damnation of the whole “Celibate Christians” movement is a laudable concept.
The only thing that kind of bummed me out about the film was how little it did with the concept beyond the obvious. In the final act, the girl begins to sort of control her “power”, which livened things up a bit, but even then, it’s sort of obvious where it will go from there. Maybe another girl who had the same problem or something could have helped complicate the film a bit and give it some needed oomph. But still, it’s not like this subject matter is well worn... Halloween didn’t really do much beyond the basic description either. Maybe in 10 years, there will be a vagina dentata sub-genre, with sequels and parodies and all that good stuff. Not to mention its own Horror Movie A Day tag!
This is the first film from writer/director Mitchell Lichtenstein (though he has made a short film, and according to the IMDb, that film deals with Alcoholics, Monkeys, Goats, and Mother Love. Something tells me it might be a little weird too), and the cast is entirely unknown to me. The main girl looks a bit like Heather Graham, but I don’t think that counts as someone famous. So it’s safe to assume this one won’t be crowding the multiplexes, but if you can find it, I think you should check it out.
And if anyone can explain why they continually frame shots to include two giant smokestacks, please let me know.
What say you?