JULY 10, 2007
Folks kept telling me that The Hamiltons had a twist ending. I like a good twist ending as much as the next guy (unless I’m sitting next to M. Night), plus I was told there was light brother-sister incest (hey-o!!!) which is always a plus in a horror movie*. But on the flipside, Hamiltons was one of the After Dark movies, which, other than Gravedancers, meant the best I could expect was “meh”.
Well, I was right. Hamiltons is the very definition of “Meh.” It’s not a bad film, but it’s not very engaging or exciting either (and it certainly isn't scary). And the ending is not a twist to anyone who understands how to pay the fuck attention to a film as it plays. Jesus Christ. Before the 5 minute mark, we see the mother, pregnant, and the main kid looking at his teeth in the mirror. These are not throwaway moments: THE FUCKING THING IN THE BASEMENT IS THE BABY AND MAIN DUDE’S BECOMING A VAMPIRE. It’s not a twist, it’s the logical conclusion of the film. Yeah Jaws has a “twist” ending too, it turns out it’s a shark!
Although they come off as idiots for pegging themselves “The Butcher Brothers” (they’re not brothers, they’re not butchers), gotta give props to Mitchell Altieri and Phil Flores for pulling off a very good HD/DV image, though the differing image sources are quite obvious at times. I also dislike any director (who hasn’t earned it) that puts their credit over black when all the other credits are over film footage. Fuck you, we can read along if we want, we don’t need you to call attention to yourselves.
Incidentally, I would have seen the film last year at Screamfest, but since the directors showed up with an entourage expecting all their friends to get in for free, I was told not to go in (I was a volunteer), so they would hopefully be humbled by the fact that everyone in the audience was a friends of theirs instead of genuinely interested regular folks. Ah, the politics of horror movies!
At any rate, I wish more movies starred Joel Silver clones.
What say you?
*Hamiltons is 20x longer than this short film that my friend Brady produced/edited, and yet accomplishes just as much: some horror, family squabbles, and a brother and sister making out. Enjoy!