The Virgin Spring (aka Jungfrukällan)

JUNE 1, 2007

GENRE: RAPE-REVENGE
SOURCE: DVD (ONLINE RENTAL)

Look, it doesn’t matter what I watched today. I could have watched Psycho for the first time and I’d still have trouble finding anything to say. Because, just two short hours ago, I was shoulder to shoulder with one Mr. BRUCE WILLIS. Not only did I talk to him, I shook his hand. How many times in someone’s life do they get to shake the hand of their childhood (and current) idol? Five, six, tops. As a lifelong movie nerd (obviously) there is little that could possibly top something like that. Fuck yeah!

Anyway, it’s sort of putting the film down to classify it as rape-revenge, as those films are more exploitative and such. But The Virgin Spring, which is based on a ballad (I wish more films were based on ballads. I think a great film could be made out of "Hanging By A Moment".) is more or less the ORIGINAL rape-revenge film (Last House on the Left was an acknowledged modernized version of the story, and then of course Chaos was likewise an update of Last House), so it definitely has a place in horror history. Maybe I should make a new genre called “Roots”. Or, I dunno, “Stretching It”. But everything I watched this week was more or less garbage so I felt I had to watch something with any merit (other than “it’s good when you’re drunk!” type praise).

Little needs to be said about the movie, it’s a classic and there are plenty of other, likely better written, reviews on the web if you really need to be sold on watching it.

Instead I will ponder this: Why does every Criterion commentary suck? With a few exceptions (Chasing Amy sticks out, and obviously Armageddon) they all sound like they were recorded under duress. The speaker almost never has anything to do with the actual film, and they don’t even seem to be watching it. Just write all the shit down and let us read it!

I also wish the DVD had an extra of Bergman walking around a morgue, being EXTREME. The DVD is definitely lacking for it.

...Dude I just fucking talked to Bruce Willis! Not even on a computer this time! Who the hell cares about horror movies at a time like this? Like, I still remember watching Die Hard for the 1st time when I was 9. I was sitting on the couch waiting for my Dad to come home so we could head up to Maine for the weekend (I used to live in Mass, btw). Who the fuck thought that 18 years later I'd be sitting there chatting with the guy about part 4??? It's fucking surreal.

Also, I'm taller than him.

What say you?