Cutting Class

APRIL 5, 2007

GENRE: SLASHER
SOURCE: DVD (ONLINE RENTAL)

“I’m the custodian of your fucking lives!”

I have no idea what the hell that is supposed to mean, but I plan on saying it to whoever I damn well please for the rest of my life.

Anyway, another day, another slasher. Cutting Class earns originality points for being so goddamn lazy though. The kill scenes come out of nowhere, with not even an attempt at suspense. We are given two possible killers: Donavan Leitch and Brad Pitt, yet Pitt is clearly shown to be elsewhere during a few of the murders. Some scenes are staged with the flair of a porno (mismatched eyelines, cue card read dialogue, etc). But then again what do you expect from a guy named Rospo? Or anyone involved with Exorcist II: The Heretic?

One kill scene is not even possible. The killer takes an American flag that is attached to a rod that’s about 4-5 feet long. The killer goes under the trampoline that the Rex Linn-ish gym teacher is bouncing on, and shoves it straight up (I think Eli Roth ripped this off in his Thanksgiving trailer, btw). There is no way the stick could have been placed straight up from underneath. Dammit, Rospo! What were you THINKING??? How am I supposed to take your goofy slasher movie (one that co-stars Martin Mull, of all people) seriously with such glaring oversights like this?!?!?!

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Jill Schoelen, of “Whatever the hell ever happened to the girl from The Stepfather?” fame, is as cute as always, but is given little to do other than say things like “I have to study”, and “I have to study.” But it’s the monotony of her dialogue throughout the film that makes her final line to Leitch all the more hilarious: “No more fucking with my EMOTIONS!”

Pitt sounds like he was dubbed. Maybe he hadn’t hit puberty yet (he was only... wait… 25!!! What the hell, Pitt?). It’s off putting. Not as much as Mickey Rourke’s voice is in Diner, but close.

I think my favorite part of the film is when Pitt and Leitch share a moment during shop class. Leitch brings up a memory of Pitt teaching him about screwdrivers, and then they say together, laughing as if it was some sort of private joke: “Lefty loosey; righty tighty!” I guess you had to be there.

The DVD is one of the absolute worst I have ever seen outside of a budget multi-pack. Full frame, only 6 chapters (one of which basically spoils the ending, not that it’s a real surprise, but still), and the transfer makes the film look like it was shot on video. Hopefully Criterion will get a hold of the rights and give this gem the DVD it deserves.

Pointless horror trivia: The chick who plays Schoelen’s best friend is also in Slither, another horror comedy. At least, I THINK this one was supposed to be funny. I personally think it’s even funnier than Slither.

What say you?